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F^ OFF
J28 - Goodbye to Bad Habits, Goodbye Blazer, Goodbye Florida
So as the title of my journal says, goodbye to bad habits, it's finally that time. I've finally had enough. I'm done with smoking cigarettes. Yep. I know I've said this before, though you may not know, but I know. But this time I mean it. I'm done. Fin. No more for me. I've given it a lot of thought and it's come down to my decision of quitting. I'm going to start soccer again, so I don't need the threat of coughing up a lung to come into play. So last Friday was my last cigarette day. Haha yeah, last Friday. But I'm seriously done. I wanna be healthy. I want people to like me and not judge me because I smoke and I know damn well that people do it. So bleh to you who say you don't when you do. Oh yes. It's been over 5 months since I last cut. Yep. 5 months! No need to clap, thank you. Haha. But seriously. I feel good about this too, because there have been so many times these past months that I've wanted to relapse and give in, but I stuck through it. And thank god. It's nice to see clean arms and wrists. Besides the scars that are already there. Lol.

So as you may know, if you are up to date with reading my journal that is, that my parents have finally decided to call it quits. And they are getting a divorce. Jesus, took you guys long enough. Haha. But my mom and I have to pack up and hit the road. As in drive from here, to Maryland, to Oklahoma, and then to Oregon. But our car was so messed up that there was no way it was going to make that long journey. My car. T _ T So my mom finally, after 13 years, got rid of our '95 Blazer, my baby. She traded it in for an '04 Trail Blazer. But the new truck is really nice. But now I don't have a car. It's kind of pointless to have a license but nothing to drive. Damn it!!

And finally the last bit of the title of my journal. Goodbye to Florida. After 3 and half years, it's finally time to say toodle-oo. And I've been looking forward to this for the longest time. But never did I think that these thoughts and feelings would be floating through my head about staying for friends and other people who I didn't think I would miss. I wanna get the hell out of here and never look back, but there's just that gut wrenching feeling that's begging me to stay. But I can't. I'm tired of, no, it doesn't matter what I'm tired of. I just wanna go. My friends are pissing me off and I find myself more tired everyday, and I DON'T DO ANYTHING! I hate the weather here. I hate the people, I hate the movies and the mall, the communities, the stores, the gas stations, the schools, the feelings, EVERYTHING. I just wanna leave. But my mom doesn't and my dad can't. But I don't wanna stay with my dad, so I have to go with my mom. And she says we have nowhere else to go, so I don't see why were not gone yet. I know she still loves my dad, but she needs to see that he's trying to make her happy by doing this. I wish I could go by myself. s**t. Damn feelings.

This concludes my journal. But I will be leaving this journal with a note. I talked to my ex(Cara Carnage) today. For a long time. I even hung out with her in The Hills. And you know what? I'm happy I got to talk to her. It was nice just being able to go back(somewhat) to the old times where we could just talk. She even added me as a friend. And I'm glad she did. Maybe her and I can be friends again. Well this was the high light of my day. Not even my best friend coming home from a cruise topped this. I'm in a great mood because of her. I didn't think I'd say that again, but I'm glad that I can say it. So farewell. : D





 
 
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