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"I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone."

Damn poison seeping through me. I want it to go, want to suck it all out of me. "Isn't anyone trying to find me? Won't somebody come take me home? It's that (...) cold night, trying to figure out this life. Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new. I don't know who you are but I--I'm with you." *sighs* This song is really fitting me at the moment.

I feel so helpless against the darkness, when I just want to collapse and cry. But as always my eyes are dry. Everything seems to much, too complicated and overwhelming. All I can do is work of my experiences and everyone expects more. I don't have more!! I don't have what's needed. I'm just not good enough. I'm not what they want and I want to give that to them. I want my parents to be proud of me. I can't let them down but I'm not enough to do anything other than that.

I want so many things and so little will come. Why do I torture myself like this? Can't I just accept that I'm nothing special? I'm no big deal... I'm not smart. I'm not creative. I'm not wise. I can only parrot what I've seen and heard. There's nothing but bits of other people that make up myself.

"Why should I care?" Why should I? Why should this bother me? Why do I need to be special, set apart from the crowd? Why do I instinctivly want to stand out when I know the only thing it does is make me a big target. >< Why? It won't stop haunting me! Can't I just be happy with who and what I am!?

......And all I can do is plod through one more day, and one more after that until I finally die. Day in, day out....It's all the same. That is probably the worst thing of all. There's nothing I can do because of my failings. I can't go explore space, not fit enough. I can't make new scientific descoveries, not smart enough. I can't change the world, I'm not signifigant enough. I can't even show the world it's own picture because, "It's all been done before." What's left? Dullness. Repitition. Why do we dream when all we do is wake up eventually. Why do I even bother trying to purge this. Its not enough. It's not enough to just throw this on the internet where no one can really make a difference.

All I have is faceless voices. Sure I know some of you personally but you're all so far away. No one's here to help. How can I fight when the ground keeps falling out?