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Sometimes I wonder how much more of this I can take. How much more we can take. Its like I want to stand up but I keep failing and falling... I'm such a ditz. I dont appreciate what I have, I let people down, I'm a manipulator and an idiot at that... I'm so scared.
I dont want to lose him... he's my all, my everything. He has stood by me in the darkest of times. He knows me so well, he knows what I am, who I am. Respects me for it and whats more loves me for it. But what if he cant take it either? He doubts himself. And to crack someone like him... it takes a lot.
But I dont want to hold him here if I'm not worth it. I dont want him to stick by something that will bring him more unhappiness than joy. I keep telling him that if he wants to leave, he can do so. But I dont know if he stays because he loves me or if he does so because... I just wouldnt function without him.
I dont know n e more.... I seek for trouble and I end up blaming people on it. They just want to protect me. I'm an idiot. I'm so stupid, I think I'm so high and mighty when in all reality, I'm worth nothing... I just want to die, in all honesty. Hell, who knows if I know n e thing about love?!?!? Who knows where I stand, what I stand for... who I stand for...
I'm in the brisk of desesperation... I dont know n e more. I dont know... n e more...