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My thoughts have a way of keeping me up at night, some are thoughts of a decent future, and of things I wish to have, not like posessions but certain experiences I feel that I could enjoy for a long period of time. Then there are the other thoughts, thoughts that could be from my anxiety or my depression. You see, I think a lot, and I think often, though I could never speak of write/type fast enough to show you every thought I have, and I know that it's almost impossible to even explain the detail of every thought I have. But lately the themes have been the same, things like who I am and what I'll be.

Like how I want to go to school and get a job that I can stay at for at least a year, not just for money, but to attempt to be social. Socialization has been a problem for me for a long time, sometimes I lose friends because my sentences don't come out right and are misinterpreted to the point of great offense. Other times I simply have nothing to say, which is odd because I'll go to see family and/or friends and I'll be all excited to see them and I'll say hi and ask how they are doing, and it'll pretty much end there after responding by saying either that I'm happy they're doing well or I'm sorry that they're not. And it's the same online too! I still remember starting high school and how everyone had AIM for some reason, and I remember talking up a storm with real and internet friends alike, but now, when I actually do go on I maybe talk to two people out of the many that I have on the list, hell, I've pretty much forgotten who most people were, and the conversations are usually as short as I explained earlier, unless, oddly, if the other person talks a lot.

But with that most of my friends are busy either with school, work and/or their families, however that doesn't include the loads of friends I still have yet to have a small reunion with. Not just that but I feel like I grow apart from many, like we are no longer the same people we once were, like I've grown apart, but then again, it could be the depression, that is one of it's side effects. And my depression hasn't been too great lately, I can't sleep because of my thoughts, most of which cause depression, which is ironic since my lack of sleep also contributes to my depression, and yes, I found that when i can get sleep it works wonders, but lately it's been harder and harder to do.

Then I sometimes think about making music, though I don't know how, and sometimes I think about one day leaving spontaneously to somewhere with no real destination and no real time I'd expect to be back. Sometimes I think out of the box, perhaps just to make a change because honestly, I hate the idea of living a truly empty life, I'm not there yet but I fear I'm heading there, hence the college, job, music and travel talk. I have ideas, no real plans though.

Also I was thinking of something different for a change of pace, want to know what it is? I decided that this is going to be the last serious blog I write for only one reason, I'd rather have people call me or send me a message when they want an update, with these lovely blogs you know almost all you'll need to know about me without contact, and without truly knowing me. So if you want an update call me or message me and I'll be happy to talk to you, besides it's been a while since I've had a nice conversation with most of you, and I do miss it.

But goodnight for now, and good riddence to the blog typing, after I get some sleep I have a life to live and one to make better with every day. Life is both long and short, feels long when you're doing nothing productive yet short when you realise that you wasted your time, and I'm not one for wasting my life. The dream is to one day get my mind straightened out, and my life to go with it. I got a few ideas on what to do next but let's just say that you'll need to talk to me to see what they are!

Bye! =P