I used to have confidence, though it doesn't feel like it.
I wasn't always so self-conscious--I used to go out and play with my friends, pretending. Pretending we were video game characters and running around with our toy swords.
I used to be able to hold a conversation. I would say whatever I wanted and wouldn't always feel like I was interrupting or that no one cared about what I had to say.
I used to share my stories and songs and poems freely. Yeah, they might have been stupid, but I saw value in them and I wasn't afraid other people wouldn't.
I used to be more friendly and outgoing. Don't get me wrong, I was still pretty shy. But I didn't have to be best buddies with someone to feel like I could chat with them. I felt like I could talk to my teachers and share with them about what was exciting in my life, and I didn't care if they didn't care.
How did I change so much? I was always shy, but this is ridiculous. What happened that made me shrink so far back into myself? I just now realized that this isn't how it's always been. I haven't always second-guessed myself over every little thing. I haven't always been this paranoid about every decision I made.
What happened, seriously? I've gotten so messed up now that I don't think I can fix it. Is this growing up? Is it a teenage thing? Or did I seriously screw things up this badly?
I wanna go back to being a kid. crying
 LadyAlisyn · Tue Jul 15, 2008 @ 08:48am · 1 Comments |
