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I hate living with my perants all they do is b***h and moan about there jobs or money or about one another... I hate it here... its stupid... espacially just now... where my mum and I where dicussion what kind of hair style that would be sutable for one another and wat my dad would approve of... cuz i really hate long hair on me its a pain to take care of... stupid hair... so i saw this hair cut my dad looks at it, says nothing so im alright watever but when i start makeing comments on how my dad wont let me have the hair i want it cuz it makes me look like a boy ((also cuz im the whole tomboy image, he dont like that either)) and how he will be b***h about it for more then a week and how he will call me Jeff2 and how he will treat me like s**t until its long again... then I start saying how long hair is a b***h to take care of... which i make the comment 'how about u let ur hair grow and see how u like to take care of it!' but no he doesn't make one of his witty remarks he wipes a ******** book at me, and i just stood there takeing it in... ********!!! I so wanted to make another remark but i put a lid on it handed the book back to my mum and went downstairs... so here i am... its bad ******** enough that im unstable as it is and he has to abuse me even more its like hippty ******** do apperently everyone in this damn family likes to abuse me for something or some how.

Like such has my brother he insutles me sure im use to ever one insultes me, but at some point and been isolated for a while yeah it gets to me abit more then usall but then again who gives a flying ******** i sure dont...*laugs* god i hate summer... and worse part of it theres not just mental abuse or emotional its pysical as well oh THE JOYS IN LIFE!!!! Im so ******** happy im the familys punching bag for bad remarks and complaints... when someone bitchs im there and lend a ear i give advice. But then again thro out this family thats all i do is let them b***h on about there lives all 3 of em... and the only person i get talk to about my problems is my mum which i heardly see her... especally when i ask her oh wake me up early. But when i say that its oh us your alarm clock well ******** how about u say that to Jeff but then again he will b***h about it.

There's also where i do every ******** thing like oh Lilith fill the fridge downstairs with soft drink oh clean cat litter feed the dog do garbge do recycle wash dishes... sure... yeah ill do it... but when i ask for my brothers help its "oh sry im working ur not." ITS WELL ******** I WANT TO GOD DAMN WORK BUT I CANT CAUSE NO ONE CALLS ME!!!! I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO ******** WORK!!!! i hate living here i hate being here I HATE BEING ******** ALIVE AND SO ******** FAR FROM EVERYTHING!!!

Worse part about it is when they make a promise or i ask something like oh can we go and do something like a familish thing, its yes but once we get to it. Its oh sry we have house work to do or oh sry i forgot... GODDAMNIT!!!! I want to rip there bloody heads off rip there internals out feast aupon it raw then feed it to the cats... then savagly murder my brother while hes sleeping ((less chances for me dyeing in the prosses))

God i want to die... i dont want to go to some ******** up school all so ******** far cause its the only English Adult Ed near me... its pisses me off... I dont want to make new friends only to figure out the either Pot heads or have some kind of problem with something... god i want to shoot myself right now... im so tried of this s**t... but when ever I talk to someone i feel like i want to role over and die... ((to me this isnt really talking)) Worst of all i try to help a friend fell alot less deprised but no since her life is so ******** up... so cant see the brighter side of things and when i mention something she goes and throws my mistakes in my face... so what i can deal with that itnot like it hasn't been to be before. Hell s**t happens to me all the time im instulted 24/7 *laughs* ******** im going insane. I wanna kill something right now i wanna cry which my body wont let me... god i need a life... god... i need someone that i can be with so I wont fear them physically or emotionally... god damnit...

sad