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well lets see i really started this little rehab thing about a few days ago, but i have already failed. i cut last night, and i feel really bad. sad

i hate that i cant control myself enough to just not pick up the blade. sometimes i wont even have a reason to cut, i sometimes get so bored that i just have an urge to cut. its disgusting. i hate myself for it, then i end up cutting more because i get mad at myself, then i feel the worst... Regret.

regret hits me the hardest. until someone does something that caused me to cut in the first place, then i realized why i cut that time. then the regret goes away, and thats even worse, because then you feel nothing at all.

then im back to the very beginning again.

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i am trying to go as long as i can without cutting till i dont need it any more. i just hope that i dont move into old habits and start burning or hurting myself again.

i just hope to get far with this. i really hope this works.