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Okay. So I am in my school's Sing and Dance choir thing. [[They need a new name.]] This year the theme is Broadway. So our choreographer makes the steps and we do them. It's high school, so the moves are so pathetic. And since she's a woman, she doesn't know how to choreograph for BOYS. Well. She does, but she doesn't know how to make a routine that guys that don't normally dance would be able to pull off fairly well.
I can do all the basic crap, but none of the other guys can. It's stupid. And when I do a pirouette [thing] they yell at me. It's not my fault the suck. But their like: "You can't do it like that. That looks gay! ((-coughcough-)) How can you even do that? Dude, we're guys. I do it the male way." The 'male way' obviously means to do it WRONG. I don't care that they think it looks gay, or that they think boys shouldn't know how to do it. What gets under my skin is the fact that they can't do it and want me to dumb down so that they don't look bad. I mean, what the ********? I've been in school with some of them for about 6 years. They should know by now that I:
a) don't care what people think.
b) won't change for anybody
c) wouldn't mind standing out, even if they think that I do it to make them look bad.

Whatever. The show is like less than 24 hours away. I should be sleeping, but don't really want to. I want to rant.

Another thing about this show. More than half the group can't dance. They may be fantastic singers, but they can't dance. We have me, three girls, and one other guy, that know the steps. Their are eight couples. That means MORE than half of them don't know the dances. IDFK. The show is gonna suck and our director won't cut anybody. I don't know why. Five of the sucky people would be able to do the dances if they'd have shown up to the rehearsals. They didn't. They should have, but they didn't. Then the other six, I think, are only there because they are phenomenal singers. They made most all of the practices, but just can't pick up the moves. I am sad for them, to be honest. I think I would hate to not be able to dance.



Oh, so I have a new crush now. I hate myself for it, too. But he's so amazing. I mean, really. He's bi and has a girlfriend. He's really nice to his friends, but to to many other people. He's super cute. His name is Ricky.
Why do I hate myself for having a crush on him? There are several reasons. Firstly, he has a girlfriend. Secondly, he has cheated on her before, so how loyal is he? Thirdly, he is a gossiping fiend. He cannot keep a secret. Finally, he is one of the guys that doesn't like that I can do the dances flawlessly. (I don't mean to sound cocky there. They are so simple, I could have done them BEFORE I started dance lessons.)
I broke up with Aaron because he wanted me to be someone other than me. If I ended up dating him he might try to do the same. IDK . . . .

I can't keep from flirting, though. I a ******** tease. My bad. mrgreen


EDIT [[upon re-reading]]: Gosh, I sound like a cocky SOB. Jeepers, I mean, I'm not. IRL, I have really low self-esteem, and act emo (( minus the cutting )). However, self-esteem aside, I know who I am and who I want to be. I can't help but act the way I do. And as for those dances. All of the other people that can do them feel the same as me. I don't mean to say that the others are lower than me. I don't feel that at all. I don't believe anyone (( that I know )) to be lower than me. I mean, I'm ugly, stupid, and agay. How could they be any worse than that??