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holy crap guys, im dying.
not really, but i feel like i am. I just cant cope with... LIFE right now.
not in a "im gonna commit suicide" way, but in a "i REALLY need to get away to somewhere where no one will ever bother me" kinda way. im sick of school, im sick of people, im sick of not being happy all the time, im sick of working in general, im sick of other people not being happy, im sick or caring, im sick of it all.
i want to go live with monkeys in africa for ten years like jane goodall. i want to get away, far far away where i wont have to worry about anything. I wont have to worry about what people think, i wont have to worry about taxes or gas prices or getting my homework in on time, i just want to worry about finding enough food to keep me alive. finding food, not buying it. that would require civilization.
maybe i could have supplies flown in...
i cant join the circus. believe it or not, that requires quite a lot of work, which defeats the purpose i want to join. i cant become a pirate, the government doesn't like that. i could become a zoologist, then id only have to deal with animals, which are much preferable to people. but ill have to go to countless more years of collage to realize that goal. im stuck. i have to trudge my way through. im panicking and want everyone to just shut up for a minute and put up with each other! help each other, dont be so obsessed about making money! it only has value because we want it to, it is honestly just a piece of paper, worthless in any other part of the world.
i want people to be nice and helpful and for doctors to heal people just because they want their patients to live, i want everyone to donate to charity just because. i want everyone to not need payment for everything, like
"Hey Bob, i need some apples. do you have any?" "Sure, Jim. I happen to have some extra. I dont want you to starve on the streets, so i'll give you some. Cause im a nice person."

animals have it so easy. think about the mental problems that come with intelligence and civilization. people kill people for being unfaithful or for money, or for revenge or spite. animals kill each other to defend their homes or families, to eat, or to get rid of someone who is only hurting the rest. occasionally to prove which is stronger. house pets. they eat when they want, they sleep when they want, they are mostly so happy! some are abused, yes, but so are people. what i wouldn't give to be a cat or a dog, just for a day, and not have to worry that getting one D or below in one class for one semester will screw up any chances what so ever of going to collage and getting a life.
i want to get out. I need to get out.