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Wednesday Blues... Highs and Lows Hi all and thank you for checking out my journal. This will be my first entry in, hopefully a long line of entries that both give me some place to unload my mental baggage and give you a better understanding of me... Anyway on to the journal. Let me start with the most pressing issue in my life right now. As some of my friends already know my Grandfather passed away on Saturday. Now I know you're thinking "oh that’s not that bad, at least its not a parent" and I know you're not thinking that because you're mean people but because you're picturing the grandparents that you see once a year for holidays who live in Florida and you don't really know what to think about them. That's fine, I get it, my father's parents live in Florida and I don't see them very often, but my Grandfather who lived with me and took care of me and drove me around and taught me so much passed away this passed Saturday. He was like a father to me, since my parents are divorced and that’s another LONG story. Yesterday, Tuesday, we had the wake and for a dead guy he looked good but I couldn't look at him for long or the pictures of him either because they brought back memories of nothing but regret. Regret for the fact that every day I would come home and not spend time with him when I could have. I never do homework at home NEVER, I just go to my computer and play games or fix my Gaia avi and talk to friends and all that time he was sitting alone watching CNN or something. I think the best times we ever had were watching Stargate, to my mother's obvious disbelief. He was a military man and I was a Sci-fi/fantasy guy so we loved to watch the show together. I also remember the times that we used to play chess. He was much more the tactician then me at the time and won most of the games. The best one was when we whittled each other down to just kings and it was two kings chasing the other around the board to a 52-move draw. He and I also played pool a lot. I had a kiddy table and he showed me all the different shots and grips. I said my Grandfather was a military man. He served in the Polish defense army during World War II. He achieved the rank of captain and was also awarded a medal of valor. During the war he was a demolitions expert, the guy who brought down the bridges and buildings to slow advancing infantry and this helped him in when he came to America. The connecting pass between Bridgeport Hospital and the Mental Health Center was his steel and his design. Even though he retired at 65 he consulted until he was 85. He was a hard worker, a brilliant man, a superb father, and a beloved grandfather. He will remain in my memories and my heart for all my days, as will everything he has taught me. On to happier things. The first regatta of the year for me took place last Saturday as well. I have been conditioning myself for the past 3 months just getting ready for this coming season. I did really well too. I placed 11th out of 56 people in my division and I won my heat by 43 meters, which is amazing. For those of you who row my new split time is 1:47 and my 2k time was 7:08, which beats my PR by 10 seconds. I usually row for Fairfield Prep, which is my school team, but they are a very novice program so I went to the Maritime Rowing Club that has champion trainers. So I have been doing awesome there too. I am going back to my school team for Spring season but next fall and spring will probably be at Norwalk because I can advance myself more there. Lettin' you guys in on a lil'secret... I have aspirations of going to the 2012 Olympics as a singles rower. It'll be a long and hard road but I am confidant in my ability to take myself that far. The rest of the time... has mostly been spent at school studying and getting good grades and such. As many of you know School=Necessary but boring. My friends have been arguing over which gundam anime is the best: the new "Gundam 00", the classic "Gundam Wing", and the semi-new "Gundam Seed: Destiny". To me all of them are great (if you prefer one pm meh and tell meh why so I can give them more stuff to fight over, watching them ish funneh whee ). Also my friend Kenny who is part of that great debate is also a Patriots fan... yeah so you can just imagine that Sunday night about 11:30 (keeping in mind that I never have seen a super bowl even if it is as easy as flicking my TV to a sports channel) I turn on my radio and hear One More Time by Daft Punk and in-between the lyric part are little voice over quotes like "GO GIANTS!!!" and the commentary for the winning play of the game. I can picture Kenny's face in my mind and I whispered to myself that he was going to be sooo pissed come Monday morning (also keeping in mind that our school is close enough to NY to be majority Giants fans). ... and that pretty much it. Okies that’s a wrap. Thank yous for reading my journal and I will see you guys next Wednesday. smile 3nodding

Posted by: shadowphox511 Wed Feb 06, 2008 @ 05:42pm

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Xlonely_tear_dropX
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Commented on: Wed Feb 06, 2008 @ 11:32pm


	wow,that is amazing,and long,srry that ur grandfather died,mine did 2,also its amzing that u like the olympics,thats cool,anyways cool journal entry

Commented on: Sat Mar 01, 2008 @ 11:48pm


	Wow. ..You're grandfather seemed really important to you, and right now I feel like YOU would be the only one to understand how I felt when I lost my grandmother. I feel like no one understands me because I actually lived with my grandmother. She WAS my mother. Although whenever I try to explain it to someone they say "Yeah...my grandma died too." Like they know how it feels to lose someone so close. I feel regret on my part. I did the same thing as you did. Her and my grandfather would always ask me to go places with them to eat and shop, but at the time friends were more important. My main reply would be "No" ...I was so careless, selfish,...I hate myself for it. I would do anything to have her back. I would keep my room clean everyday, I'd help her clean the house, I'd do ANYTHING just to hear her say she loves me. I'm so stupid...I should have spent more time with her. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET HER GO. I did...and it hurts..

xXMissKedianHagarashiXx
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Alice Cullen100
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Commented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 03:07am


	Actually i do understand how u feel about a family memeber being lost and i had so much trouble when ever i think of my great grandfather in Michigan and how my grandma didn't even let me go to the funeral and at least let me cry for his behalf and before he died he asked us what we want and i didn't tell him imeddiatly casue i didn't want anything from him,all i wanted was his love and nothing more,but i gave in cause he would not stop asking and i said any kind of teddy bear you like.He gave me one and i named it after him and thats the only memory i have of him cause my grandmother didn't let us join him and the rest of the family for the homemade ice cream party because of she hated her sister Amy and i feel so sad that i could be with them and i had t o be in the trailer with my grandma and watch old cartoons.The only memories are small ones cause of my grandma but i miss my aunt and uncle and cousins because my uncle would stick his aarmpit in ur face and say welcome to armpit town and all i remeber of my cousins is hanging out with them watching The litle vampire and helping out my cousins by cleaning the spider-webbed comic book house in the backyard and i was only 9 when i was there and when we left my great grandfather died from some cancer but i don't remeberwhich one.Since then i always prayed for god to take care of him.And last summer i lost my great grandma and great great grandma and i cryed so hard about that and everytime i thought of how cruel my grandmother told about my mom to our great great grandma i always be sad and i miss both their smells and i remeber my great great grandma always wanting me to sit on her lap and even though i always told her i might hurt her she said no so i would sit on her lap and she would play with my hair and said i looked so much like my mother. crying crys sorry but no one should think that a grandparent aren't important people. crying crying ever since then i think i was born to make people happy.My friends, my family.anyone that i love. and when i got back to school when my grand father died i would always cry so my friends always told me just write a note and let it fly in the air to god and of course i did it and it let me lose.i would recommend it but u don't have to do it if u don't want to.smiles and trys wipe away tearshugs and kisses him don't worry im always will be here for you.

Commented on: Wed Dec 24, 2008 @ 04:11am


	i understand more than u can imagine....

animegirl117
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cocobear95
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Commented on: Sat Jan 03, 2009 @ 07:39pm


	Shadow alex and I can both understand I lost both my grandparents they were like second parents to me my grandma died first then my grandpa the part I regret the most us not being able to say goodbye to them I always wish they could come back and hold me like they used to but I cnt in my head I want them to come back so bad that I would die in there place jus for them to come back but in my heart I know that I cnt do a single thing to get them home again wet since the day they died I to e honest I have never been the same I feel like there's a hole going through my heart. But wat I keep in min is that there in a better place now and I know they r still watching over me and the rest I my family I pray that one day I can see them at least in my dreams. So remember ur not alone me and alex no exactly how u feel.

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