my vague ways and my untrustworthy feelings.
Current mood: cold
i am really unclear when it comes to talking to people about myself.
i can't say i LIKE to keep it vague, but somehow it just turns out like that.
this tends to give me an air of aloof and it irritates anyone who has been kind enough to care about me.and so being, this is how it happens....
asking me, "how are you?" is a difficult question to answer on my part. i don't mean, over the top dramatics of pain and Gothic sorrow, but it just feels hard to answer. I'm fine and I'm good. common lies that everyday person uses, because frankly, when people ask how you are...they generally mean it in rhetorical way. aka: they don't Really care.
and so, answering truthfully can:
1: irritate the person who really didn't want to know about your relationship problems.
2: how you are doing made a swooshing sound as it passed over their head...
3: you make the person who asked [and not cared. acting is a key.] worried or pity you to the amount of what you told them.
[example: my grandfather died might spark a: " oh you poor thing, i am so sorry, condolences ect" and many more]
4: to the person who honestly asked:
by now, the person you are asking has probably given up telling the truth, and can't tell the difference between lairs and someone who genuinely cares.
and so leading to the answer that is:
"i'm fine."
this leads so a possible larger worry from the caring friend, because they know[possibly from others but mostly from their intuition...] that something is wrong.
and that you aren't telling them.
and so you are generally vague about your feelings and how you are.
also on the issue of trust:
when i say " i don't trust anyone"
this is what i mean:
1:no sadly, i don't trust you right off the bat. get over it because
you need to earn my trust.
2: in the past i have trusted people to lightly, or easily.
this got me hurt.
so like a mouse in an experiment with cheese.
i don't push that button again.
3: i trust about two people, to an extent.
no i haven't told them everything..
i haven't trusted someone like that.
4: only one person knows me more then anyone else.
and i lost him. [it's not like i meant it to be this way, it just is.]
5: if you want to gain the trust that he has, keep trying.
i'm sure i will come around.....please don't give up on me.
so to end this
i would like to tell you how i am.
i would like to tell you about me when you ask.
but it's hard.
also, if you don't trust me because i'm vague
or generally around there..
i want you to be able to trust me.
so please again, please
don't give up on me.
i will try harder.
i promise.
 Never Ask Dante · Sun Jan 06, 2008 @ 02:23am · 0 Comments |
