I am having a really hard time...Monday was ok...I got to help collect moss for my friend's party on Halloween....the thing that has caused me a lot of sleep and tears is that when I walked into my front door my mom asked me to sit next to her and that she wanted to talk to me...that did it for me I knew something was wrong..a little while before I got home she had gotten a call from my "father" (Michael) saying that he'd just found out that my grandpa was given a week to live do to cancer ...I didn't take that too well...Tuesday I moped about my house mostly and talked to my older sister about it and we decided that we'd go and see him early Weds. (today) morning..around about 2:20pm I walked up to the elemenary school, near my house, to meet my best friend (she picks up her little demon brother domokun ). Well, I told her what had happened and stuff...that night I decided to go to bed after watching an episode of CSI..that ended at 9pm...at about 10:30 my mom and sister come into my room and wake me up to tell me that they just recieved a call from Michael saying that my grandpa had died...
I know to most people that would hurt a little but I'm not taking it so well..mostly due to guilt...6 years ago his wife died (from cancer), on the same day I told Michael the truth about how I feel about him (I hate him), well...I didn't call my grandpa to tell him I'm sorry about loosing Grandma or anything let alone go to the funeral to be there for him...I didn't go so I didn't have to deal with Michael...and yes I regret not going or being there for my grandpa...I hadn't talked to him for about 6 years, then showed up at his house last christmas with my brother and Michael (I was there to just see my grandpa and my brother...my brother was in the army at the time)..I hadn't called him or anything since christmas either...don't get me wrong I love him so much...but I knew that if I was to keep in contact with him, I'd have to accept the fact that I'd still be in contact with Michael (his son)...and I wasn't and still not ready for that...
I feel so horrible about not being there for my grandpa and not being able to see him one last time and not telling him that I love him in 6 years...
For those who really want to know why I hate my own father....he likes to play mind games with me...though he never hit me or anything...he emotionally and mentally abused me...and he has never been there for me or my brother...in other words he's an as*hole...but oh well...
Now I am sitting here depressed and feeling really horrid...
Tinsy Community Member 
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