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I heard there is no Christmas,
In the silly Middle East..
No Trees, no Snow, no Santa Claus,
They have Different Religious beliefs..
They Believe in Muhammad,
And not in our Holiday..
And so every December,
I go to the Middle East and say..

Hey there Mr Muslim, Merry F***in' Christmas
Put down that book 'The Koran'
and hear some holiday wishes.
In case you haven't noticed,
it's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim a**
And f***in' celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India,
I've heard..
They don't hang up their stockings,
and that is just absurd..
They've never read a Christmas Story,
They Don't know what Rudolph is about..
And that's why in December,
I'll go to India and shout..

Hey there Mr Hinduist, Merry F***in' Christmas
Drink eggnog, and eat some Beef
and pass it to the Missus
In case you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu a**,
And f***in' celebrate.

Now I heard that in Japan,
Everyone just lives in sin..
They pray to several gods,
And put needles in their skin..
On December twenty-fifth,
all they do is eat a cake..
and that is why I'll go to Japan,
and walk around and say..

Hey there Mr Shintoist, Merry F***n' Christmas
God is gonna kick your a** You infidelic pagan scum.
In case you haven't noticed,
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
and Merry F***in' Christmas to you.

On Christmas Day, I travel round the world and say..
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists
and all you atheists too..
Merry F***in' Christmas to you.