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It's been a while since I've posted here.

Life nowadays...Well...It's different. I'm out of school, my best friend's gone..Now I've been traveling back and forth between parents houses, which is never fun. It's not been the best.

I didn't want to leave school, all my friends were there, and obviously the end of school meant that my best friend was leaving. I expected to go straight into a depression with her gone, I mean...DEEP.....That didn't happen. The next day, I felt normal. I went to school with a smile on my face, as usual. I kept that until the end of the day, when everyone was crying. Up 'till then it hadn't hit me that she was gone, it was one of those numerous days where she was sick, and all I had to do was bear through one more day before I could see her again. Well...that obviously wasn't true...and I couldn't stop crying.

The weeks have obviously passed, revealing harder things. I have contemplated many thoughts as I have sat alone in my room. The time alone is horrible. Do you ever have those times where you think of everything and anything? Maybe trying to realize why you did something, or how it happened? Well...I've had many days to do such things...I have contemplated many things about why I've said such things...and one thing that crossed my mind was...how I was going to get through all this. I know there is a way, I just haven't found it. My way has seemed to be surrounding myself by others to get away from having to think about things. It seemed to backfire, now my dad is annoyed and my mom thinks I"m spoiled and don't care about my best friend.

But I"m afraid of thinking about all those things, ya know? It's bad..Anyways, I've been having to go to Dad's a lot ately, and here's all the offending things he's covered.

1. He's racest
2. He's sexist
3. Apparently I am now heartless and selfish, only in anything for the money
4. Now I am considered dumb, and not up to standards
5. At times I'm ugly, at times I'm not for his own "pursuasive" reasons
6. I am too friendly and will get myself killed
7. I am not friendly enough and will get myself killed
8. I am rude.

I can't live with it much longer!!! Every 6 sentences is a lecture!!!! I have learned to fall asleep in the car so I won't feel horrible about what he says....