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You wanna know me,the real me, then read this.this is me Now
have you ever felt completly lost....
i just feel this way latly like the worlds moving on with out me like im just standing still and watching it.... to night was the 1st time in a long time that i went out side.... and i just felt like i wasent even alive....
its just.... i feel dead, drianed all i wanna do latly is sleep...
and ive been getting head achs every day for no reason...
i just really....ummm i dont know... everyday is just the same...
i go to bed at 3 am sleep till about 2 wake up watch tv, (in between maybe put my dog out, feed all my pets, baby sit for my sister, work,clean,take a shower,) and then i just go back to sleep all over again.....
i wanna go out side and do something but i have no idea what to do.....
i feel like everything fun has been riped out of me,or that im still sleeping and just dreaming what ive been doing....i keep telling my self that something good has gotta happen to me. that some one i know has god to care......
and i know one person does its just....i dont know i dont know I DONT KNOW.....but i do know any one who reads this is gonna say get up and do somthing, go somewere but i just dont feel that i can,... and then theyll say then thats your problem and ill say to my self... there right.....but......but... i just needed to type, talk to someone.... anyone...because i need to get out what im thinking.....
i dont wanna be one of these people who go out with a bang because theyve lost the will to live because they did say something..... so i guess thats what i wanted to type... to get it out... i think i might go out and buy a diary for my self.... hmmmm
mike came home.... i was so happy, hes the only one i talk to latly....
its not that people dont try to talk to me.... my sister deana trys to
buttttt i kinda hate her right now.... she left me alone....
shes treating me how my mom usta....
like im nothing....like nothing i do matters...like its never enough.
so i just hang up on her......
my(abusive) brother has been calling me latly too....
if he thinks i really wanna do anything fun,
or talk to him for more then a min
hes ******** lost his mind
for all the s**t he usta put me through
and he ******** calls me to go ice skatting with me
or to drive his ******** a** to a bar and drive his drunk a** back
i dont ******** think so..... stressed
and then my mom.... rolleyes
calls and tell me what shes been doing
once a ******** week
WHY THE ******** DO I CARE!!!
yeah she does invite me
but i dont wanna go to her ******** boyfriends house
be there with her and his lil buddys and not even get talked to
and she ******** exspecks me to come over and stay the NIGHT
hell no i dont ever wanna sleep in the same house with her ******** latest thing
i bet she ******** marrys this one too and then desides
that she doesent love him any more just like she did to my dad
and my sister deanas dad and my brother kole and sister beccas dad too....
allso on the subject of her
I AM SICK OF HER ******** TRYING TO MOVE ME TO DIFFERENT PLACES
ALL THE ******** TIME
the longest time ive lived in a house
had to be my "old" trailor and i think we moved there when i was 6
but before that id live one place for a couple mouths then move again...
and just last year we lose that house because she so ******** stupid
she ******** up and doesent pay the ******** bills
sells it to some FAT ********!!! AND NOW
IM STUCK LIVING WITH MY ******** SISTER DEANA
IN HER SMALL a** ******** TRAILOR
TAKEING CARE OF HER!!! ******** ANIMALS
BECAUSE SHE DESIDES ONCE I MOVED IN
SHES NEVER GONNA BE HERE!!!!! scream stressed -tries to breath-
ALLIGHT....
im calm now
now to my dad
hes a good guy when hes not calling me stupid,
telling me that my neices knwo him better then i do
that hes gonna die before i do.... that im gonna be
nothing just a ...that im gonna mow ******** laws for the rest of my life
(well guess what dad im a ******** strait A student at school, so take that s**t and eat it )
or telling me my boyfriend is ******** cheating on me
because some fat b***h told him so......
o yeah did i forget to mention
he allmost lost his leg
and hes going blind &
only half his heart works
so hes really just dieing slowly.....
i guess under all this lostness
im allso just pissed at the world
well maybe not the world just this ******** town
and all the ******** towns closest to it....
Also IM NOT MAD AT YOU KATIE JUST ANOYED
BECUASE!!!!!!!! the only time you even say hello to me is when
your bored as ******** beacause all the other peices of
s**t you hang around with have better things to do then talk to u
at that moment in time....
and mammer i love you and you to steph
and mea your just a whore admit it to yourself.....
lol getting all this stuff off my chest feels so good
even though i know by saying this people are really gonna be pissed
o yeah and cinni
your such a good person
when your not judgeing people on who they usta be..
and david your a lying fat a** peice of s**t
who will probably become a rapist some day
or ******** kill your self,
or try to kill me for saying this
but yeah know what i really dont give a s**t anymore
and i do care for you like a brother but damnit davy
you make it so ******** hard
i just wanna kill you for being so stupid
but i guess we all have stupid things about use....
even if we dont care to admit them.....
allright... NOW i feel so much better
^_^
still a lil lost but after getting all that s**t of my chest
i feel releaved
so now i guess ill get back to my stupid boring insegnificent lil life
and try to make it better....
bye bye everyone and i hope u enjoyed my
sad pissed "lil" entry
KuroK
(enemy of the world XP or atleast were i live)
p.s also i cant spell worth a damn so if u dont like it lick it put a stamp on it
and send it to some one who gives a s**t....
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