Two rednecks are out hunting in the woods. A heavy tree branch falls on 1 of the rednecks. The other one calls 911 on his cell phone. He starts screaming at the operator that his friend was killed by a tree branch, and the operator says, "Calm down. First make sure he is dead, he can just be unconscious." A few seconds go by, and a gun shot is heard. The redneck gets back on the phone and says, "Ok, now what?"
You Know you're a Redneck if...
. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed. . . . your wifes hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan. . . . you go to your family reunions trying to meet women. . . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. . . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat. . . . your childs first words were, Attention Wal-Mart shoppers! . . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper. . . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them. . . . youve ever valet parked a snow plow. . . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid. . . . youve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies. . . . you think paprika is a Third World country. . . . you ask the preacher, Hows it hanging? . . . you have a bumper sticker that says, My mothers an honor student at the local junior high. . . . youve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House. . . . your kids favorite bedtime story is Curious George and the High Voltage Fence. . . . youve ever barbecued Spam on the grill. . . . your favorite restaurant has the word eats anywhere in the name. . . . you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior. . . . the game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart. . . . you have a personal account of a UFO sighting. . . . you think a hard drive is driving more than one hour. . . . you were expelled from summer school. . . . youve ever stolen toilet paper. . . . you think the police cant see you because your truck is painted camouflage. . . . youve ever been hunting on a tractor. . . . youve ever talked back to characters on the movie screen. . . . you use Armor-All on your leather jacket. . . . your tires are worth more than your truck. . . . you tried to claim loss of teeth as an exemption on your taxes. . . . you have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on. . . . youve ever stolen a Neighborhood Watch sign to put in your yard. . . . you proposed in a Dennys. . . . your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it. . . . you have an above ground pool and you fish in it. . . . youve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store. . . . people hear your car a long time before they see it. . . . you call your boss dude. . . . your toothbrush is a hand-me-down. . . . you have ever taken lawn furniture to a drive-in. . . . your kids fall down in the house and get grass stains. . . . your church has a happy hour. . . . youve ever lost your wife in a poker game. . . . youve ever shot someone over a mall parking space. . . . someone asks, Wheres your bowling bag? and you answer, Shes at home with the kids. . . . you are allowed to bring your dog to work. . . . you fish coins out of public fountains. . . . you consider tattooing a do-it-yourself job. . . . you see a sign that says dip in road and you stop to see what flavor it is. . . . youre smoking in your drivers
vailendeathmage · Fri Nov 02, 2007 @ 10:05pm · 0 Comments |