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okay Tuesday 25 september , i started going out with the most wonderfull girlfriend

all these are journals from another website i go to , so that i wont have to write all the stuff again!

Thursday sep. 27
Well let me tell you peoples what happened , see this monday my friend chelsea , who untill now i was convinced she was tottally straight , well anyway she told me she needed to talk to me and gave me a note , the note said that she new somebody who liked me and that they liked me since the beginning of this year but they didnt know that they liked me more then a friend till like a week ago , so you no i was like all anxous to find out who it was , well it comes free time and me and her are sitting in the library , well after beating people away so we could talk in private , she sat there and wouldnt talk so i asked her would it be easier if we wrote back and forthe , she agreed so we started writeng and this is how it went


Chelsea: your not going to flip out or anything right?

Me: no

Chelsea: i dont know how to say it

Me: just tell me

Chelsea: , okay ... who do you THINK it is?

Me: JUST FREAKIN TELL ME

Chelsea: its me..


so naturally i was shocked and i just sat there for a second , well she asked me out and i told her id have to think about it caus 1. this was a big thing caus lets just say our school isnt open minded and 2. i just got out of a really bad relationship.

long story short me and her talked about what might happen with other kids and stuff and she said she could be stronge and we could get threw it together , so now where going out and IVE GOT A NEW GIRLFRIEND WOO ... and i love her so much , shes so sweet and shy and cute and she blushes alot so she just so CUTE!! anyway we like write each other notes all the time and she told me she loves me a whole lot and that she doesnt and couldnt love anyone more then me , so im so happy and it feels like my hearts kinda healing now and i realy hope this works out because , i cant get hurt again , because im not sure if i can bounce back next time. because i usualy bounce back in a week , but with the last relationship its taken me months and if this one doesnt work out im not sure what im gonna do , but im so happy and she even made me a Cd and said that was how she felt and it has a bunch of love songs on it and stuff and as soon as i get more blank cds imma make her one , and today when we had our desks scooted together , and had my head down trying to take a nap she put her arm around me ... awwwwwww ...

Mon Oct. 1
As you all know im going out with the best girlfriend in the world but now everybodys being a shitty... well mostly my ex-best friend jacob , i thought i knew him and i thought he was my best friend and stuff but i guess not

well let me tell you what happened , see i got a note from jacob , and i kinda noticed something was wrong caus on bebo ( online thingy kinda like myspace ) me and him were like number 1 friends and we were other halfs but i noticed he put me 4th now and so i asked him and he was like "........" so then i got a note from him and during tetorial finnnally got to read it and this is what it said


Hilarie

hey well to start things off im not mad at you and im not betraying you like your bebo says


however i am limiting myself to hanging out with you and chelsea because i dont want people to start thinking im okay with what youre doing because i am not

on your bebo you said that you want to be the one whos happy well you can be the happy one but not with chelsea

im not going to preach to you in this note but i will say what youre doing is morally wrong and wrong in the eyes of god

well when you straighten things out come see me but untill then i will pray for you

p.s. i quit our other half thing on bebo also i am getting things right with god thats why i have changed for the better


i hope you come to terms with christ also

sincerly jacob nissen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thats word for word , nothing changed... i read it and started crying , i mean how could i not , he was suppose to be my best friend and then he writes that BULL

then my friend greg , i told greg about it and greg talked to him and this is there convo ( greg sent me it and "my imaginary friends think i have an mental illness" is Jacob and "prof-g" is Greg

my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
hewwos
prof-g says:
hey
prof-g says:
wats up with u and hillirie
prof-g says:
?
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
o i stopped hanging out with her...so how are you? ^_^
prof-g says:
y
prof-g says:
plz tell me
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
okay
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
becuz she started going out with another one of my friends
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
who happened to be a girl also
prof-g says:
i kno
prof-g says:
so wats wrong with that?
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
basically... shes gay!
prof-g says:
yeh
prof-g says:
i kno
prof-g says:
so?
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
and 1.its gross 2.its morally wrong 3.It is againt the Bible and God
prof-g says:
so ur highly religous
prof-g says:
i dont mind if u are
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
well basically i am and i think that its wrong
prof-g says:
but i dont think its enough to stop a friendship over
prof-g says:
i really think u should b her friend at least
prof-g says:
i mean shes torn up over it
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
i dont hate her...but i dont wanna hang out with her if she continues to date chelsea
prof-g says:
y not?
prof-g says:
its not effectin ur believes if u hang out with some1 that dosnt share ur believes
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
becuz why hang out with sum1 who you know is doing sumthing wrong
prof-g says:
but she isint
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
but she is
prof-g says:
wats so wrong with datin sum1 that dates the same sex
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
IT IS WRONG IN THE EYES OF GOD
prof-g says:
is there honestly something wrong with it
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
yes
prof-g says:
as long as they love each other
prof-g says:
isint that all that matters
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
no its not
prof-g says:
y
prof-g says:
explain to me y men and men or women and women cant b together
prof-g says:
and i thot god loves everyone no matter who they love
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
becuz God said that it is wrong and to go to heaven you must entrust in Jesus, well you cant do that if you are gay
prof-g says:
so why should his followers not see the same
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
look, God does love everyone, even the gay, but he does not approve of what they do, and they can not go to Heaven that way
prof-g says:
well im sorry to say this i really am and dont worry this is my and only my opinion before i leave
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
okay
my imaginary friends think i have a mental illnes says:
well, say it
prof-g says:
if god loved them even for bein gay but dosnt let them into heaven for bein who they are, and lovin which other sex they want then he seems to b two faced
prof-g says:
im sorry just me
prof-g says:
not anyone else
.................. end

so thats what happened ... tell me what you think...

Oct. 2 Tue
well recently things have been happening and i guess this is for all you people who , A: have preached to me or thinking about preaching to me B; a homophob C: just hate my guts now

okay first of all , yes i am gay , yes im going out with chelsea crossen , i never asked god to be apart of my life and i sure as hell dont want you to preach him to me , i respect your religion but not when you shove it down my throat and then say your doing nothing wrong , im a person too , i have feelings and they get hurt. especially when people tell me they dont want to hang out with me because im " immoral" , and they dont want people to think that they support homos and that what im doing is "wrong" , last time i checked just because you hang out with someone doesnt mean you have the same beliefs and i never thought religion had anything to do with friends . and also if all you can say when i ask " whats so wrong with loveing someone?" and all you can reply is " its immoral" " its against god" or " its a sin" then im sorry , your wasteing your breathe. and also i dont think i deserve to be hurt , hated , critized or abandoned just because my partner doesnt have a p***s.


im not a circus freak , i didnt d this to entertain you , I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG , NOTHING , i dont have a disease , being gay is not a disease and if it is i guess when i geta job i can call into work and say " sorry i cant come in today still queer " , i dont care if i go to hell , i was very depressed before i started going out with chelsea , i just got done with a relationship that ended badly and she has made me so happy. so i dont give a damn what you say , HATE ME , HATE MY GUTS , GO AHEAD , GIVE ME THOSE NASTY LOOKS , IGNORE ME , CRITIZE ME , PREACH TO ME , it all falls of def ears , im me , i havent changed you were all fine when you didnt know , and now that you do im suddenly changed into a completely different person WELL THATS EFFIN BULL AND I DONT DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY AND NEITHER DOES CHELSEA , SO AS I SAY TO YOU WHO HATE ME OR WHATEVER , TWO BIG MIDDLE FINGERS TO YOU AND A KISS ON MY GIRLS CHEEK, im proud of who i am , ive never been any other person beside myself and if you cant accept that then i guess your not a true friend and maybe your the one with the skcrewed up morals.....

Thur Oct 4
well okay for starters


Pros:

Me and Chelsea are still going out and shes the best girlfriend EVER!! and i just love her to death

Jacob called and apologized for being a rude a*****e and that he should have just said. " i guess i should have just said i didnt like it when we talked about it... awkward

Cons:
people at school have been less then friendly , like alot of people give me and chelsea , dirty looks and nasty sneers and laughing behind our backs , and just being asses

Fri Oct 12
hello whores and cunts XD just kidding ... i hope i dont get in trouble for that <.< >.> >3

soooo lets see whats going on in my life ....

okay weeeeell , we had a discussion in american goverment ... OwO , well we had to come up with an amendment , because we were learing how hard it is to get an amendment to pass , well i picked to get Gay Marriage legalized in EVERY FRIGGIN STATE
, i mean of course i picked it , caus itll affect me in the future X3 hehehe , but anyway
we had to write a paragraph on whatever we picked and we had to list

1. what the amendment was
2. who would it benifit and how would it benifit the nation
3. who would oppose it.
4. and list some arguments directed at things people might complain about

and mr. praht was going to have some people go up in front of the class and voice our amendment and have a debate sorta thingy. well i worked on mine , but it was hard , caus thats not really something that you can put down on a sheet of paper , because theres so much more to it , well anyway , naturally i was nervous getting up there because half of my class in american goverment is either 1. pompous a** hole p***k hillbillys , or 2. religious bible humpers * not saying anything to piss anybody off , its just theres a line between religious and obsessed ) , but anyway , i got up there and started alking about how

i think we should get gay marriage made legal in all states , because if gay couples cant get married then they cant give medical consent , they cant get benifits from work , or social security , people who would opose , would be some religious people , and people who just are homophobic , and also some people who think that gay marriage is the biggest threat to marriage , well i always thought that the biggest threat to marraige was divorce , but whatever ... anyway when i got done speaking , a bunch of peoples hands shot up and started talking about it , like a couple i heard were

1. well if they keep gay marriage banned then maybe those homos will go straight ..
2. i dont wanna see to gay guys makeing out .
3. but gay guys , molest little boys

okay i countered these with

1. did you choose to be striaght? no you were born that way , just like we were born this way , we cant change who we are , and were definatly not going to change just because we cant get married
2. its not about that , straight couples do things that affend people a hell of alot more then gay couples do , plus when i say gay i dont mean just homosexual guys i mean girls too
3. no tests have shown that most of the grown men that do that , are straight ,

then i went on to say

" i think its dumb that the USA has like only 3 states that allow gay marriage , BUT canada allows it EVERYWHERE and did you know that in some places in Africa and lower parts of Europe , theres a death penality for it. "

well after stateing this Kaleb ( poupous a** hole p***k hillbilly ) decided to say " well if they get gay married in the us ill just move to africa" so after hearing him and his dumb a** arguments i was fed up so i looked him straight in the eye and said " im sure wed be happy to get rid of you" . the whole class busted up laughing ,

also i went on to say
" life liberty and the persiut of happiness is what thomas jefferson said we were entitled to , so why should that be taken away from us just because were GLBT"

well all in all my amendment didnt get passed in class it turned out 11/27 , so oh well , but i think i made a good point. and ripped kaleb a new one XD.

In other news , me and chelsea are going stronge , ignoreing comments , rude looks and laughs behind our backs , it still hurts , but then again im sure it always will , i mean , how can it NOT hurt to be made fun of for who you are , and trust me im a very stronge person , i hold my head up high no matter what , and take s**t from no one ,shes even coming over to my house on saturday ,

ummmmm
my friend indy , whos the sweetest guy youll ever meet , me and him were talking on the phone and he asked me
" how do you do it hilarie?"
" do what indy?"
" take all that s**t from people , if i was a girl , and i liked you , it wouldnt matter how much i liked you , i couldnt even take a day of the crap you go threw , i just couldnt , so how do you"
" you no indy , i dont really no but im always proud of who i am , im a woman , im gay and im proud and just because it hurts when i get made fun of doesnt mean i should crumble and let them change who i am , besides , i got chelsea and you , and you guys contribute to my strength"
" hilarie , i wish i was as stronge as you"
" awwwww indy"
" heeheehee"

Thur 25 October
WOOOOO YAY ME AND CHELSEAS 1 MONTH ANNIVERSARY WAS TODAY WOOOO


well i drew her two pictures and wrote her about how much i love her and what i was like without her ( a complete mess of course ) and then i made her a cd of songs i dedicated to her.

then she made me a cd also YAY and wrote me a poem here it is:

"I Love You"
I see your beautifull smile
i will never forget that look in your eye
as time slips on by

i feel your sweet touch
if only it lasted forever
it doesnt take much
now that we are forbidden lovers

you breathe on my skin
making me tremble with all that you do
it may be a sin
but who cares , i love you!

AWWWWWWWWWWWW i no i love it!!! i just , before she came along , i was on the verge of Nothingness and Suicidal Depression , i was never really happy , then one day she surprises me , and now shes mine ALL MINE , and i love her sooooo much , shes just everything to me! shes more than everything , SHES ANOTHER WORD FOR EVERYHTHING , SHES MY WORLD MY UNIVERSE MY HAPPINESS AND MY STRENGTH , i cant stand to be apart from her because i love her so much , just the way she giggles or blushes or gives me a random hug , i just wanna hold her in my arms forever and i no ill be with her for the rest of my life , shes the one i want to marry , I KNOW I KNOW , 1 month relationship may seem hard to believe that somebody would already want to marry someone , but i dont care , she makes me happy and complete , i never wanna lose her EVER!! I DONT CARE WHAT ANYBODY THINKS ,

yes im a big ol lesbo dyke sinner whos gonna go to hell and be damned for eternity because of my immortality and wrong doing .... BUT I DONT GIVE A RATS a**!! ill burn down there for her , id do anything for her!! BECAUSE I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART AND BEING!!

...

anyway lol now that im done with that okay lets see , i had my compitition for speech tonight , i scored a 3 and 5 , 1s the best and 5s kinda the worst , so i got close and did pritty good for a newb! ALSO i got my report card , IM NOT GROUNDED WOOHOO , and my friend taras coming over saturday!

ummm well , the only thing bad that happened today was me and chelsea got into a mini little spit spat because she wouldnt tell me what was wrong and wanted to tell me "later" WHICH LATER NEVER COMES!! =<

also this girl on msn that goes to my school messaged me and she was all like , asking if me and chelsea were bi and i said no we were gay and then she starts going on about

" have you ever dated a guy?"
" do you even know what bi is?"
" chelsea datedcody smith last year"
" she also dated josh lawson"
" you guys are bi"

and it really pissed me off because i know who i am NOT HER , just because youve dated a guy or two doesnt mean your bi , i havent dated a guy in a year and neither has she

so i was like

" BI = YOU HAVE AN ATTRACTION TO BOTH MEN AND WOMAN
LESBIAN = JUST WOMAN!
JUST BECAUSE WE DATED GUYS DOESNT MEAN WHERE BI! , YEAH I KNOW SHE DATED THEM , I DONT CARE ! YOU GOT AN ISSUE THERES A BLOCK OR DELETE BUTTON NEAR THE TOP OF THE MSN CHAT BOX!"

, so that girl can just SUCK MY RAINBOW >3

ANYWAY im really tired , we left school at 2:30 and didnt get home till 8:30 so im likew MEGA TIRED and no school tommarow means i can sleep in sooooo

LUFFLES YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!

Today: OKKAAAY so thats whats happened in my life so fair