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stand back, a venting is in order |
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okies, I should REALLY start finishing up that story but I am in no state of mind to do so.
See, I wrote that story with a very sentimental attitude toward love. I intended the ending to be relatively "sweet" and "cute".
Yet, at the moment, I have a very bad opinion on love, very bad indeed.
You see, I put all of this time into a relationship; spending days and days with said parter, staying up to the wee hours of the morning talking about everything from favorite pastas to the United Nations, and, most importantly (and more spirit-crushing), thinking about said partner. But why, you ask? Well, that's the answer I am looking for.
I spend all this time and I put myself out there, make myself vulnerable, tell them how I feel, and (here's the kicker), even though I know I shouldn't be doing it, even though I know it's just going to end in weeks (or in this particular case, months) of crying afterwards, I fall in love.
Now, I know that with my age, love is thrown around a lot. I'll be the first to admit that. I know it's just puppy love and that it has no chance in hell that it will blossom into something actually worthwhile, but you know what? I'm lonely. I need someone to talk to for hours on end, someone to hold me when I need held. That loneliness leads me to fall in "love". But that's not love. What should it be, then? When the time comes, what will I tell a girl (whom, even though I know I shouldn't, I will end up seeing countless movies with her)? Will I say "I like you....but not really....I think I like you more....It's not love, I know that, but it's along those lines"?
I read a quote a little bit ago: "The question isn't necessarily 'what is love?' it is more 'why love?". It's not really that hard of a question, the answer is completely obvious. The answer is because we are lonely and we have nothing better to do.
Well if you ask me, hell no. I am giving up on love, at least for now. Love is useless for people my age nor personality.
 Gilliganiganiganigoo · Sat Oct 06, 2007 @ 07:37am · 1 Comments |
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