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Well I guess now I have to change. My friend Pam has been ignoring me for the last frew days and today I finaly asked her why. She told me it's because she's sick of my crying and my pouting and such. She says I drag everybody down when i'm sad around them. I know I do, and I always feel terrible when I do. I know I need to change, and I've been trying. But now I guess I just need to get better immediately if I don't want to lose everybody I care about.

She asked me why I do it, and I told her that I honestly don't know. And its true, I don't know why I just start feeling like s**t sometimes. Ocassionaly there is a reason, but most of the time it's so random. I'll go from having an awesome time, to just feeling like s**t and feeling like nobody cares about me or want to be around me. And I realy can't exsplain why it happens. And she told me that thats a bunch of bullshit and I just need to grow up. Which in a way is right. I just let things get to me to easily. I'm going to stop being so ******** emo and depressed all the time, and just be happy, or try to be happy, or even if i'm not i'll atleast create that illusion so that I don't lose anybody else.

She said she needs a break from me, thats fine. I need some time to figure out my life, and nobody can help me, I have to do this by myself.