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<center>This is long. :B </center>



As many of you probably don't know, Chris and Courtney are living together again. Oh wait, no they're not. Or maybe they are? Courtney said Chris was staying with his mum until she finished packing her stuff up. Wait Courtney, didn't you say Chris hated his mom? So why is he staying at her house? Oh? He's just helping her? That makes a lot of sense. No no, I don't think you're lying. I was just curious, is all. Oh, and while I'm at the questions stuff. Why haven't you been coming to school? It's really upsetting me. Every day I walk to your class hoping to see you, so that I might get a chance to talk to my best friend. But every day, you're not there. I have to walk to lunch alone, and find Alley and Amy. I hate eating with freshman. I wish you would come to school, so that I would be able to eat lunch with someone that understands me.

I say 'understands me' as if no one does. That's not really true. Cherie understands me... I think. But I still love you the most. You're my best friend. Every time I see you I smile. You know I don't smile much, since I don't have a very good sense of humor. [ oops ] But you always manage to make me. I love you for it, but I'm so hurt right now. I shouldn't be getting myself worked up over you being absent, I know. You always come back, right? No matter how many days you miss, you always come back. But why come back? Why go to school if you're already failing. I don't mean your grades. I mean you've missed over 30 days of school this whole year, easy. You just can't pass. You'll be held back regardless of your grades. Summer school? Nope, sorry. Your mom won't pay for that. She needs your child support for her drugs. Tough luck, huh? So your life is really rough, huh? Is having someone there for you all the time really that tough? What do I mean? I'm talking about Chris, your boyfriend. So is having someone there to hold you when you're sad, to wipe your tears when you're crying, and to laugh with you when you're happy, such a bad thing? Of course not. You have someone there for you, always.

I'm jealous. I used to have someone that would always be there for me. She would wipe my tears if I was crying. She was hug me if I was sad. She would laugh with me when I was happy. She was my best friend, and I love her. I still do. But she's gone now. She left me on the side. I feel like garbage. I'm sorry, but I'm second-rate, used, and worn. I'm so sorry. If maybe.. If maybe I were there for you more back then, maybe you would've let me in.



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Chris [ Kyo ] wrote that his prom date got into a car accident. I honestly got a knot in my stomach when I read that. I'm a dork, I know. I felt this horrible sadness for him. I don't know if they're in a relationship, or going as friends, but for someone you care about enough to take to prom, to get into a wreck, must be really hard. I would have cried if I were him, but that's just me. I'm really happy she's okay though. I usually, honestly, don't care about other people and their problems, but this time I actually did. Anyways, I'm glad things worked out for her. And I hope she gets out of the hospital soon, if she hasn't already.


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Jaime and I have been talking more recently. She let me confide in her. I really appretiated that. I was feeling terrible. There was no one there to listen to me. Everyone I thought would listen, turned a deaf ear to my problems. I don't really understand why. I always listened to them when they had issues. I'm always there to listen. ALWAYS. But this time, like I said, I got tossed aside. Jaime listened though, when I really needed someone to. I was so frustrated, upset, and all around in a bad mood. I had so many pent up emotions that I was shaking. Sometimes I'd just start crying when I was feeling fine. I guess after a while, your body has to find SOME way to release those extra hormones, right? Anyways, I just wanted her to know how much I appretiated her listening. And it wasn't just listening, she put in her own advice, too. That helped. It was also a way for me to know she was really listening. I don't think I've ever been the first person to say this to/about someone, but I'd really like to meet her someday. She seems like an awesome person, and one that I'd love to have as a friend I could see in person.


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I've gone on, and on, and on.. I'm done for now. I apologize for any grammar and/or spelling errors. You'll just have to get over it. I'm not spell checking this.