I spent yesterday evening with people I went to high school with, one of whom I hadn't seen in... about three years, give or take the random, brief meetings.
The night felt odd, but much of it was simply that I expected much of the evening to feel odd, and it didn't. As if that makes much sense. You spend a night chatting with someone you haven't seen, haven't hardly talked to in three years straight, and you think, wow, this is going to be awkward. But it was actually astonishingly natural, and easy.
I was able to talk without hesitation about things that I've felt very ashamed of, my illustrious debauchle of a sixth-month marriage being the first and foremost, of course. I didn't expect that. I couldn't do that with my family.
Maybe it's because I don't feel as though any of my friends have *investments* in my future, and my emotional well-being. As the oldest of my generation, and the first in college... wow. That's a lot of pressure on my skinny shoulders. And I suppose my friends all have at least a similar pressure there. Maybe that's it. But there was no judging with them. I felt none. And with what I've been through lately, I've felt a small twinge of "Jeeze, Andrea's screwed up, it's all downhill from here." from the fam.
Aw, now I'm depressed again. I mislike uncertainty. And now I just want to drink tonight.
 Adeiras · Sun Oct 03, 2004 @ 01:20am · 0 Comments |
