Today was a very stressful day. It wasn't anyone's fault but there was a little bit of drama brought up in one of the mod groups I'm in and even though it didn't involve me it still stresses me out because I care about my friends and I can't stand conflict or confrontation.
I am so easily prone to anxiety these days that it's just ridiculous. The kind of anxiety I had today made my blood pressure shoot up but not all forms of anxiety I get have that effect. When it involves conflict though it for sure does. It's been feeling worse for me lately too. I can feel my blood pressure rise, and it sometimes hurts like when I can feel what feels like my veins tightening.
A newer thing I've been feeling from the rising blood pressure is effecting my eyes. I can feel a slight pulse in my eyes and it mildly hurts a bit. Nothing too painful but noticeable and it scares me because I'm not use to this. I've never even heard of such a thing.
One thing that pisses me off is when people say to just go to a Dr. because that s**t don't sound right. Yes I know this obviously but some people don't realize that it's not always just easy to go out and do basic s**t when you can't afford it and don't have a ride. It's not their fault but it still heavily annoys me because if it were that easy I'd simply do it and would have long ago. I have so many ailments that go untreated and have for years because of not being able to afford it and it's maddening.
I've also realized that having been out of therapy for a bit has been taking it's toll on me because I feel like I've been struggling more mentally lately. I had to put off therapy a bit because the bill kept going up and again, I can't afford it. I will get back into it next month though since I'm getting a $95 increase in my income so I will be able to at least pay off the therapy better for a bit or something.
It's for sure been a struggle for me mentally lately. I seriously can't deal with any type of stress anymore. It's just too much on me mentally and clearly physically as well. Thankfully Andy helps calm me down quite a bit but I honestly need more than that because there's only so much we can do for our loved ones that struggle this hard. Getting mental and physical help is so important and I wish more people would be open to it and most of all, could afford it.
