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Avoidant Personality Disorder |
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Avoidant Personality Disorder
I learned about this disorder in AP Pysch last year, and the first time I heard it fully-described, I read it over again and said, "Holy crap, that's me." Basically, my textbook said that people with avoidant personality disorder (let's shorten it to APD now) yearn for relationships, but are in constant fear of rejection. It never mentioned anything about low self-esteem or fantasy worlds, but I knew from the little description it gave that it was me.
And then I took that little quiz for fun (Sometimes men wear stretchy pants. Is for fun.). Personality disorders were always interesting to me and I feel like most people have at least one, so I went to check one out. I got avoidant and schizotypal. Well, I'm pretty sure that I'm not schizotypal since I'm not an attention-whore and I don't use extremely intricate speech. But avoidant seemed pretty spot-on. I read the description and I found out about the fantasy world and the low self-esteem. The part that really hooked me in was, unfortunately, the fantasy world.
I have my own Lala Land, believe it or not. It's not filled with ponies or rainbows or happy fields with flowers and jubilee. It is basically perfect, though, and oftentimes I'm so caught up in it that I can't get out. Yes, I realize that I sound insane, but I'm just telling the truth. In my world, I've got the perfect life and the perfect people to accompany me. I haven't told any of my friends about this place (actually, I'm even leaving out details here) because I'm sure that they'll, well, think I'm crazy. Eh. I don't know. Would they? Maybe not -- I mean, they are my friends. But I'm not going to take any chances. This place is secret; it's like my Narnia.
No, I'm not so fully-immersed in it that I believe that it's real; it's my escape (which, now that I think about it, is also probably why I role-play so much). One day, I hope that Lala Land comes true. It's not too far off from reality, except for the fact that it's probably too far off from reality. It's pretty far off, but it isn't. I can't explain it, because it would involve explaining my world.
So why am I telling you this? Maybe because I know no one will read this? Maybe it's because, even if you do read it, you won't hate me because you don't know me. Maybe it's because I'm tired and I feel like expressing myself. Or maybe I'm just high on adrenaline. I don't know. I tend to type record everything -- and writing is just too much of a hassle.
Anyway, I hope I didn't scare you. I know a lot of people make fun of fantasy worlds and call them "Lala Lands," like I just did multiple times in this entry, but I don't think that many people realize that these places are actually being used. And, you know what? I had no idea that what I did was being done by anyone else -- I thought that it was only me. I'm not telling you to stop using the term because it's "offensive" and whatnot (seriously, don't stop using it because someone finds offense in it. People find offense in everything, so you can't change just to make people happy. However, you can be prudent and prudence is . . . a pretty good thing to have handy), but what I'm saying is that it's not really a super-crazy thing to do. I'm very Alice in Wonderland-y, so off into my worlds I go, and I reside in there until I absolutely have to leave. They're extremely nice. Extremely.
PS: You know what's cool about Lala Land? No one rejects you. You get to reject instead. ;D
 milk png · Sat Dec 03, 2011 @ 08:03am · 0 Comments |
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