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So I feel totes-ma-dotes bitchy today. No, not bitchy. I wanna be bitchy. I have to be bitchy for this damn role, Velma Kelly. I am a sweet girl! I was raised to be sweet. That's what Will, my director told me. I am so intimitated by Becca, the other director. Why? I don't know, it's stupid. At home, I'm good, I guess, but last time, I don't think I was. Apprently, Katy Rose and Becca said I had a good cold anger. Hmm. I don't exactly understand that. Katy Rose is the bitchy director's wife. Not Will or Becca's (although Becca is a lesbian) but Yariv's. My friend Amanda loves him, although she has a boyfriend, LOL. I like Will better, haha. I'm glad Shy Glickstein plays Mama Morton. I think she's better than Kiki, although I love her. Shy made my hair look silly yesterday. I complained, but you know I love the attention. ;D Corel tells me I'm better than Talia Heskett, but I don't know. We're different. She's tough. James, the choreographer, likes her a lot I think. Whenever he refers to Velma, he looks at her. Maybe he sees more Velma in her, I don't know. I guess... this time, maybe, I'm the worse one. You know, I was a better Cinderella than Jessica Zirbel, but maybe not a better Velma Kelly than Talia. I should let that anger drive me. It's like she's angry all the time, Velma is. Is she though? I think she's confidant (sp?) more than anything. I think she puts up a tough wall, too. Like, she'll never cry. She'll just cover it up with anger. I bet I can do it on stage perfectly. Just in front of those few people, though, it just doesn't work very well. I just get so self-conscious. One sec... Nope, Narveaz isn't monitoring me. I 'should' be on Blackboard. I will finish this soon. I have Barnum rehearsal today. I'm damn Jenny Lind. I love her, but I hate the song so much. I can sometimes sing it perfectly, sometimes it just doesn't work. I hate that! I like the musical director, Dan R. He's cool, he likes me. They applauded me once in a small rehearsal. There is where I sang it perfectly. Even the main character applauded me. Of course, I'm secretly in love with him, haha! But that always happens, the chemistry needs to be there... I bet he is secretly in love with me too. Ah well! Anyway, what was I saying. I took a little break writing there. Gosh, I'm so open today. I'm not paying attention to my group too much. I should be, but Jovi and Vadim are two smart people who can pretty much do anything together. I swear they will find the cure to cancer. Well, or maybe a more minor disease. Our topic is racism, and we have to do a community service project about it. Why did we not choose "Go Green!" and pick up trash or whatever. It's hard to find something to do that relates to racism. Any ideas? The damn joys of Catholic school. I'm secretly pleased, though, because I can tell people and they kind of think you're cool. Or rich. biggrin OMG, I almost fell asleep in Sra. Ardagna's class. No, scratch that, I did fall asleep. It's weird, you know when you fall asleep your ears sort of blank out? Well, that happened to me. Super weird. But I had a test which I probably did bad on. Damn mandatos. I HAVE TO WALK HOME, UGH. Did I already mention that? That I left my rehearsal bag at home? I don't know how in the hell we are going to finish Barnum by March 18th. Especially the damn brick number! At the end, we're all scarmbling to get the bricks into the damn "hamper." I even got hit in the head by a brick. It was like getting hit in the head in slow motion. Like, I knew it was coming, and so did the girl who threw it at me. It was kind of funny, it didn't hurt too bad. LOL. They don't look like brick, they look like presents because they're basically littler cardboard boxes wrapped in red paper. "One Christmas Present at a Time?" Ha. That's what it should be called. No, it should be called, "One Christmas Present Throwing at Each Other's Faces at a Time." Yes, that's better. MUCH better. Know why? Because that's what it'll be. I bet you anything we are gunna do that number today. And then the Museum Song, and then... something else. Thank God I'm Old. The Opening. ******** ******** ********. FML. Not looking foreward to this at all. I don't think I spelled foreward right. Is there an 'e'? Whatever. WHATEVER. Just, God, please, make everything okay, please?