So another pessimistic depressing emo entry from yours truly. So for my birthday I got a computer and a monitor and ipod touch and book case and some games and some virtual items from friends and I'm not bitching about that. My birthday was just kind of bitter-sweet I guess. I didn't really physically get any surprises on my birthday. My mom bought me a cake and flowers and made me chocolate-covered strawberries which was really cool, but I don't know. It's the day after my birthday and I just kind of feel blah. Well, I looked forward to it. And now it's over. That's it. My mom also didn't get me anything aside from the flowers and strawberries and cake because she didn't know what to get me and thought dad pretty much covered it. I don't know. I feel like. I kind of wanted a surprise from my parents.
Also my parents haven't getting on splendidly. My mom's kind of upset that dad bought me that stuff and paid off a car and a GPS and yet she's covering food with her paycheck and for whatever whimsical things my brother buys and she doesn't have access to that account that my dad has and she's upset about it. And I can understand that.
But I can also understand that my dad pays all the bills, wanted to get me nice things (he needed a computer for work, btw and so he took my old one) and also useful things (we needed another car since I'll be driving eventually and my brother took the old GPS and we needed a new one) and also that he's trying to pay off a bunch of things and that mom and my brother shouldn't have access to the other account because they don't check how much money is in the account and rack up over-draft charges. I understand that too.
I understand both points of view and it kind of really stresses me out because I can't pick a side or make an opinion on the matter.
Also I'm kind of stressed out because my friends are having relationship troubles and they aren't happy and I really don't want unhappy friends. And also I'm kind of stressed out because I can count the people I've ever wanted to pursue romantically on one hand and I kind of want to have a romantic relationship like that some day. But honestly, that's the least of my worries.
I'm also kind of always really stressed because I never know when people (aside from my close friends) are giggling or laughing or whispering around me whether or not they're making fun of me or whatever. I generally assume they are but then they act nice and I really don't know.
I also have realized one reason why I alternate between being pessimistic and optimistic and realist and idealistic so much. It's because. Well, you know how some people think everything is either black or white, nothing in between, when it comes to morals? And how most people think some things are black and white while others are shades of grey? I think I'm a person who sees almost totally in shades of grey. I empathize with so many people sometimes and it makes it impossible to really know what side to be on in anything.
Like, for example take the topic of illegal immigration. So a lot of people are angry about illegal immigrants because they think they don't take the time to become a legal citizen, and they are freeloaders which make other legal citizens pay and basically don't aren't productive members of society. (I'm not saying this is my personal view, just what a lot of people think) Well, I kind of understand a lot of that. I understand that we shouldn't have to pay for illegal immigrants. But I also understand that sometimes it's hard or impossible to become a legal citizen of America, and that when you're fleeing for your life and your family's life that you don't have time to go through the long, sometimes months to years long process of becoming a U.S. citizen. I understand both of the views quite well. It is the same thing with a lot of moral issues.
I just. Blah. Glad I could get this out. Thanks for reading this if you did.
 dalia salvd · Sat Sep 18, 2010 @ 07:08am · 0 Comments |
