god, i swear i just need some time to be alone and depressed in my room. and i know, that sounds totally backwards; you're supposed to get depressed people away from their own heads and into society so they don't fall outta the real world and into the realms of their own personal hells.
but that's not how i work. i can't be around people when i'm sad. why? because for the passed five years, i've successfully transformed all my sorrows into anger and attitude. i don't like vulnerability; i don't like letting other people see that i get sad. if i have emotions, they're happiness and anger. that's it. but i don't wanna be that angry monster. i don't wanna face the repercussions that may follow my actions. i don't wanna regret anything ever again, cuz i'm finally passed that and ready to learn from those damn mistakes. (sober... sorta, 6 months!)
but the point is that i need time to die from society. i need to leave the world and disappear into the crevices of my room, a nice dark corner to cry my eyes out and not worry about anyone walking in because no one ever wants to approach my door, because i am the monster and they know that i'm a smart fighter who will strike when and how they least suspect the pain to be inflicted. god, i just wanna cry! i wanna be a girl for, like, one hour. i just wanna get rid of all this, but it won't go away, and crying isn't gonna solve anything, but damnit, i wanna get in the habit of ******** trying!
i just miss him so much. and everything in my life is changing too drastically. i need time to cope and i need my most important friend to be there to help me; but since he can't be... i need to go back to being alone? god, i don't even know. i just...
i'm depressed.
 the_forgotten_thought · Thu Jun 17, 2010 @ 04:15am · 0 Comments |
