Sooooo here I am. Complaining about my life. Yet again. Wow, shocker. And I can't even be serious about complaining because my problems are nothing compared to those of others. Still, I suppose writing these is good for my mental health. Or something like that.
Anyway, I guess I'm writing this because I'm feeling slightly...restrained by "politeness" and under appreciated. My mom goes on about work or how my brother doesn't help out around the house and she gets frustrated about it and I'm so tempted to ask her what I should do about it but I know she'll get all offended and guilt-trippy if I do..."Blah blah blah we don't have enough money" from my dad. fdohjsaruewoi. I just. blah. I don't know. I help out more than ever around the house and but that doesn't help my brother not helping. I feel so...incompetent. I can't help anyone around me with their problems. I also wonder if any of my friends actually care to see my performances because it seems like I go see what ever they're in more than they do me...Or at least I try. But whatever. I'm probably imagining it.
Just...gah. I feel so horrible. I have trouble dealing with people these days. I can't decide whether or not I actually like them and whether it's worth having my parents by not angry at me and I wonder if I actually care about their opinion anyway....But I know I do because it wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't.
I feel so back-logged and useless and apathetic right now. It's a lot better than last year, but still...I don't know. I have things that I want to complain about but I know I won't complain about because I'm used to letting things slide by. These days I don't mention the fact that my mom constantly interrupts me and talks over me some days, or that she asks me questions that I gave her the answer to five seconds ago...
And love. Blah love. I don't even know. I think I like someone. But I'm not competent enough to actually know. Last year I was quite unsure about it. This year I'm much more certain that I do like him, but I wonder if my feelings about him are actually meaningful. I don't just like him because he's cute or whatever; I also like that he's witty, open-minded, and just a good person at heart, I guess. So that's better than most. But I don't think my feelings are ever going to matter since I'm almost certain (I would be totally certain but that voice of hope is annoying me) that nothing will ever happen.
And I'm also fairly certain that this other dude likes me. And I'm fairly confused because I know I normally would feel the same way about him...but I don't quite. Well, whatever. I'm not going to worry about that.
So. I just kind of want to smash my face into the keyboard, because I'm complaining...and I don't even really know what about. I'm just. uitrewureuore. I don't know.
 dalia salvd · Sat Dec 05, 2009 @ 04:36am · 0 Comments |
