Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I am absolutely and totally in love with this guy. Sounds really cheesy but its true. I've known him since we were little kids but we've been away from each other for so long that its like we are totally different people than who we once were. Even back then I had a crush on him. Our moms have been best friends since school days (long time ago in a different galaxy).

He is sooo shy and hot! Well... not the kind of hot other girls like. My sister wasn't all that impressed with him and she is suppose to be the major authority on hot guys.

Any who, Holden came in with his mom Rene to see us. They stayed for 3 days before they had to leave. To be completely honest it was a disaster. He focused more on talking to my mom and complaining about his that I never got a chance to really talk to him. On the last day, I tried to sit next to him and tempt him to hold my hand. COMPLETE FAIL. In the end, I cryed most of the night. I was so bereft of feeling that I txted how I felt about him and he said he feels the same way (the word "love" was never used but its still progress). Now we just txt every now and then.

~Dark Side~
I'm still talking to this guy in California who is 27. He thinks he is some psychologist who can help me with my problems and wants me to move in with him. Sadly to say but I am tempted. When your life looks like a black hole don't you look for a way out? I'm still unsure though and am looking for other options.

Tried to get rid of him but I ended up in tears because he made me think of all my failures. He plays the most twisted mind games with innocent people.

~Other Dark Side~
I'm still technically dating Chris. He moved away so doesn't that mean I have free reign to go out with other people? I'm afraid to officially end it because it will break his heart. But also leaving him on the edge can hurt him. Its tough seeing how I already went out with him once and I never talked to him the whole time. It was just at school so it doesn't really matter.

Revised
I ended it today, 7:56pm EST, 5/26/09

Broken once again...

~More Darkness You Should Be Aware Of~
Andrew keeps calling me. I still have some form of feelings for him but I think that is just because I dated him the longest and I made-out with him. We dated twice in the past and I was the one that ended it both times. And now he wants to go back out. No doubt he is feeling cold at night (I'm a virgin for life, my choice). He keeps making fun of my best friend Stevie and still thinks he can get away with it even after several angry ended phone sessions.

I give my heart to all the guys that I loved. Never to forget their loving thoughts. Cursed for life with ghosts of loved ones gone.