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Severign LaStatt Buchanan |
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You tell me that you love me,
You swear to always be there,
You write it in the paper,
You broadcast it on TV...
I hope you ******** miss me.
I hope you cry yourself to sleep at night the way I did.
The way I still sometimes do.
I hope half the songs you listen to remind you of me, too,
and you're close to tears by the time you stop listening to those songs.
I hope you, too, regret we didn't marry.
I hope you're drinking more.
I hope you're smoking again.
I hope you hurt yourself.
Why?
Because I am.
[and I hate myself for it].
And I hope you constantly have to chase me from your mind.
I hope there's a 'piece of me in ever single second of every single day' for you,
just as there is for me.
I hope you're trying your danmdest to get over me,
but can never seem to get quite happy enough, forgetful enough, sober or smashed enough to ever,
for even ten minutes,
forget that I'm out there somewhere;
And that I needed you so bad,
and loved you so much,
and put SO ******** MUCH OF MYSELF into what we had.
I hope the guilt of what you did to me is eating you alive.
I hope you can't even sleep at night.
I hope you remember how you and my cat talked to each other,
and how you discovered she likes French Fries,
and how I woke you up that Saturday with breakfast in bed,
and how you took care of me when we had a fight, and I drank on an empty stomach and got sick,
and how we sang in my car,
and how we cuddled on the couch.
I hope it ******** haunts you, that day you got here;
how you stepped off the bus, spread your arms and said "So, how disappointed are you?"
and despite my shy nature and that I was dressed in my schoolgirl outfit with cat ears and a tail just to be sure you'd know it was me,
that I ran up, hugged you, told you "I'm not disappointed at all, gorgeous," and you felt better.
I hope it eats you alive that you were my everything,
that you still are,
that I swear you're my soul mate,
but you ended it AGAIN,
and now I can hardly say your name.
I hope it kills you that I HAVE to cut you out of my life forever,
just to be able to even THINK of moving on.
Oh, I hope you're losing sleep over how perfect we were,
and how that perfection came to a close when you dumped me after my best guy friend raped me
just because you think I just cheated on him;
how I've convinced you to date me again and give me more chances only for you to not try, and not talk to me for a month or more only to end it again,
for me to ask for another chance, a REAL hance where you'll TRY to make it work and get back what we had,
only for you to repeat the not-talking-then-dumping process.
I hope you forever remember how your whole family adored me.
I hope you're seeing now just what you're missing out on.
I hope you're realizing now that even though I'd only met your mom once, I sent her, your little brother, your aunt, uncle and cousin postcards all from Oregon while I was there in the summer,
and how I bought them all little presents while I was away.
And I hope you look back on when we used to send each other e-cards all the time just to say we missed each other, and hi, and I love you and ache.
I hope I am forever, always, FOR ETERNITY; that girl who completely stole your heart,
that girl who was the perfect one, YOUR ONLY ONE, and you lost her because you just couldn't suck it up,
because you just shattered her way too many times.
And you know what else?..
I. Still. Love. You.
But you're lying to me. You'll never be here. You'll someday say "I hate her". You'll stop watching everything that reminds you of me. So don't even bother, Because I won't believe your lies. 
 Sarah Nightshade · Fri Feb 06, 2009 @ 03:59am · 0 Comments |
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