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no i am not on drugs.

this is all a dream i've had. the reason for the odd breaks? it's a reoccurring dream, so some of it is a tad confusing. i hope my imagery can give you a glimpse into my overactive psyche and give you a clue of the beauty i see when i close my eyes.

most of all, i hope you enjoy. please ignore any grammatical errors for this is completely unedited and simply jotted down.
it has been named "Wake" by my friend Nicole, since the dream seems to be centered on what is "reality" and what self-understanding i have.

The city itself was a piece of art, towering oblong boxes surrounded by odd assortments of glass—some round and smooth others odd shapes with no names that were rough and dangerous-looking—and then there were the houses and apartments, some copper and some brilliant gold, with tarnishing that could only come from the dreams of a hyperactive child. The people of this gorgeous city were even more fantastically odd and wonderful. Some citizens were like gods of old; they floated gracefully by on wisp-like puffs of smoke or cloud. Others were grotesquely shaped and animalistic. Yet still more people looked just like people—almost ordinary human beings. I wake up here in this city every morning, and sleep at twilight. I myself am fairly normal, except for an odd violet glow radiating from my skin, and my eyes are a swirl of gold and brown. i am short, but this is nothing new outside of my "reality". i walk down these fantastic streets, supposedly knowing where i'm going, and who i'll meet when i get there. i wind up at a shop selling some odd fruit--it was magenta, star shaped with three stems and had ugly bubble-like splotches of baby blue on the fleshy exterior. i picked one up in my hand and the rough texture of the hard fruit reminded me vaguely of an unripe avocado. a small boy with sparkling, wisp like wings that sprouted from the tips of his elf-like ears fluttered up to me with a smile on his face and a gap between his two front teeth. he looked no older than six, but spoke with the eloquence of a man many times his elder, and his eyes of some unknown color seemed to know everything about this new world.
"Welcome Home." he says, placing a phantom like hand on my violet-tinted skin.

light.
pure, white light.
and then streams of pinkish red.
it streams through the wide diamond-shaped window, thick red curtains pulled to the side. i gaze out the window from the plush assortment of cushions i slept upon to see a gleaming sphere of glass just outside; it seems to wait for me. so i hop to the floor, my violet-tinted feet graceful against some unknown fabric. it looks like velvet, but feels soft and smooth, like satin or silk. the entire east wall is a giant looking glass, with what looks like ghosts of vibrant fish creatures floating against the cooled surface. i get a good look at myself--i am beautiful in a nearly disturbing way, and somehow not within human understanding. i have light blonde hair sticking out in every direction, and yet somehow it's a tad flat. my gold-brown eyes are wide and almond shaped. my face is a slender build, like a heart and appears to be very sad, lonely, like i had awoken alone far too many times. my body is naked, and it's not vulgar or embarrassing in the slightest--it reminds me strongly of Michelangelo and Van Gogh's works. at the same time, it is unlike anything i have ever seen. i am proportioned like a woman: i have breasts and the flared hips of a woman, the long supple legs of a dancer...yet though i am female, my body is strong, built like a hunter, not a mother. my arms are slender to the extreme, almost like branches on a dying tree, and at my wrists are wing-like appendages, flapping uselessly against my small hands. i cover this strange body with a loose nearly see-through sky blue garment similar to a dress. i step on the windowsill and watch as the glass sphere outside my window envelops me and starts to drift over the city of shining colors unknown. in curiosity, i press my face to the glass and watch as the godly creatures on their wisps of smoke glide over the ordinary people of the metropolis and the monsters from the dreams of psychopaths crawl and lurk in the shadows; yet everything here seems too familiar and friendly to be dangerous, though i know full well that it doesn't work that way on Earth. the glass releases me in the heart of the city, and the useless wings on my wrists suddenly catch the breeze and drift me easily to the cobblestone street. with amazed eyes, i seek to learn more.

i landed without a sound in the square, my weak wing-like appendages flapping uselessly at my wrists with no breeze to lift my violet body. i look around and see other bubble like vessels floating dreamily overhead, creatures that resembled quasars flashing messages to each other from inside, like some alien Morse code. my hunter's legs pull me forward like a stalking jungle cat towards what i assume to be a very strange looking man--he had a shelf upper lip, a deep brow and sunken cheekbones, a mop of tangled gray-flecked hair pulled into a tight ponytail on the top of his shiny, balding head. his body was eerily small, like the body of a mummified child. he extended an appendage to me, reaching for my heart shaped face.
"My dear, how long it's been." he rasped, his only working eye gleaming with adoration. he must have known me from some other life, or from a previous trip to this fantastic world of unknown. uncertain of how my voice will sound, i answer hesitantly.
"too long, my friend." i was startled. my voice was like a growl, low and guttural, yet somehow it sounded like i was purring out a lullaby. it was rough but sweet. i was pleased by the sound, and began to speak again.
"where am i, exactly?" i slid to my knees, motioning with my wrist-wings to the marble and granite square, gleaming in fantastic opaque colors related somehow to greens and blues. he rocked back on his folded legs and made a sick creaking noise as he grunted.
"you're home, Anaiya. you've been away for so long..."
Anaiya? is this my name?
"Where have i been, my friend?"
"Awake."

awake?
so the creature belonging to the world of a nightmare yet so fitting in this fantastically odd dream knew that he was just so--a figment of my hyperactive imagination? or is "awake" what i believe it to be?
"my friend, how long have i been awake?" i murmur to the disfigured man, unsure of what to say or do now, tugging on the sky-fabric that was wrapped around my peculiar hunter's body. i could feel the skepticism in my cheeks as my too full-lipped mouth pulled into a thoughtful frown. he shook his head, his drooping-leather like cheeks brushing against his withered body, leaving behind a soft rustling as it swung rather heavily back to place.
"so long, my dear, that we thought you'd never return to where you belong."
"where do i belong, friend?" i gazed around the now familiar square, watching as children of beings and races unknown fluttered and ran and oozed past the towering fountain in the center of the structure that seemed to defy gravity. why must this strange world seem like home? not even the vast sky above the bustling metropolis was the color it should have been. rather than a calming ocean of blue and puffy white clouds scattering the plane, the sky was the color of a pond: glassy and a dark bluish green that lit the city with an impossible light; there was no sun. only what seemed to be ripples, like visible echoes, graced this world's serene heavens.
"you belong with all the others who have had their hearts blessed by The Gift." he croaked out a wheezing laugh, like he had been smoking for too long. i turned to stare at him with annoyance, for i was tired of riddles and i simply wanted answers. but instead of a nightmarish configuration of the old and the aborted, he was now one of the godly creatures that floated on wisps of cloud-like mist. he now had a long mane of violet-black curls swept back over his shoulders--and his skin was the same glowing violet tint as my own. his face was strong and angular; he had broad lips and long eyelashes. he would have been perfect had he any eyes--for there was nothing looking back at me. just sockets, empty and expressionless.
"....what is The Gift?" i asked quietly, marveling at how utterly he had changed with just a shift of my eyes.
"You tell me. you're the one who's been touched."
"Me? but i don't even know where i am, or how i got here." i protested, folding my winged arms over my chest.
"That does not matter. Do you know who you are?"
"Do i....no. i suppose that in this world, i don't."
"Then Find Yourself."

"Find...Myself? how do i do that, if all i know is what i look like, what i seem to be capable of? friend, i don't even know where i am." i insist, unable to take my eyes away from this gorgeous being, a strange fixation with his imperfection--a lack of eyes--building up like acid in my chest. i wanted to touch him to see if he was real or just a hallucination; a figment as i believed him to be. yet the acid burning my chest cavity warned me that stroking the satin smooth cheek of this man was completely out of the question, so i clutched my hands to my ribs and entwined my long fingers in the sky fabric that hung loosely at my waist. He laughed; i jumped in surprise--i'd expected it to be as musical as his new voice, but it was just as rough and wheezy as when he was the old, aborted and resembled a heap of dried out leather with lips. his now broad, full lips pulled into a wide smile over slightly translucent and pointed teeth, all of which were not white, but rather a blue that matched the fabric on my body.
"Anaiya, love, i cannot give you all the answers. how will you Find Yourself if i give you all the answers? how would that be satisfying?" he challenged.
"I hate guessing games, friend. i want the answers now." i frowned deeply and he let out another raspy, smoker laugh. before my golden-brown eyes, he changed once more: his handsome features melted like plastic by a fire, and smelled about the same way. i watched in horror as his beautiful face and body slid to the granite below his rocking chair and evaporated in a puff of smoke. there was nothing before me now but the plastic-scented smoke left behind, and slowly it was reshaping itself into a new form--one i didn't recognize, even from this world. slowly, piece by piece, the smoke configured itself into glistening green flesh, naked and slightly scaly looking. the creature before me now appeared to be related to a harpy--clearly female with slightly drooping breasts that were covered by molting feathers of blue and brown, with flared hips like my own. but while her body was naked, it didn't appear to be so with all the scales that riddled her body. she had goldenrod wings for ears, and vibrantly crimson feathers falling out of her arms like she had been recently plucked by a mean child hell-bent on torturing a helpless bird. she had beak-like lips, hard and slightly pointed out of her face. she had only tufts of hair in the front, like olive colored bangs, but the rest of her oval head was bald, save the few feathers that stuck to her green skin. her expression was similar to one who was both irritated and smelled something rancid. she crouched--or rather perched--on the edge of the rocking chair with feet that looked human enough, except for the toes. the toes resembled the talons of an eagle, and there were seven on each foot with one at the heel. even with her stomach-turning, color-clashing grotesque look, she was still beautiful in a curious way. i couldn't tear my eyes away.
"I cannot give you the answers." she replied frostily, her voice a high-pitched squawk that was almost as curiously attractive as she was. she crossed her arms over her breasts, shifting nervously from side to side. i sighed softly and looked up again at the pond-sky. to my shock, rain started to...well, it didn't fall. it ROSE. from the dry streets below our feet, raindrops the size of golf balls slowly rose to the dark heavens above and i felt my mouth slide open in shock. i was filled with a violent kind of emotion, like i wanted to join these fantastic drops of water in their ascension. i looked back to my harpy friend who nodded lightly, her neck creaking like an old floorboard or a rusty hinge.
"Fly Away, Find Yourself." she insisted, looking at me as if i should catch a clue. i nodded, though i still was lost in her words and the distracting beauty of the rising rain.
"....is Finding Myself a way of figuring out what The Gift is?" i murmured as i turned back to the bubble like rain. she let out that raspy laugh, her beak lips clacking together slightly.
"Why don't you give it a try? explore, Anaiya."
".....what is your name, friend?"
"Jaelochi."

i left Jaelochi and his or her unrealistic, delightfully disturbing and seemingly timed transformations behind me and i was floating back up to my home in a foggy glass bubble, the rain sliding up the sides of the lofty device. my eyes were feeling heavy and i longed to get back to my nest of pillows and cushions and remove my dress which had begun to cling to my skin from the lifting rain. the sphere lifted me dreamily into the mist and led me to my home, where, just as it had before, it opened up at my diamond designed window and allowed me to slide in onto the window sill. the wall covered by the looking glass was a warm amber color, thick and rich like butterscotch. i wondered idly if it was somehow lit from behind, for no light penetrated my room from the fantastic pond heavens outside. the colorful phantoms that played across the glassy surface were no longer vibrant fish of the morning--rather the creatures that swam around now were like mermaids and mermen, yet none of them were attractive as legends suggest. the men had squashed faces and snarling, gnashing teeth that would sometimes would strike at another if a female was involved. why they would fight over the female at all was beyond me. she was large and round like a manatee, with a mousy face, gnarled green hair that resembled rotting kelp and beady, watery black eyes that were almost hidden by her swollen cheeks. she too had gnashing, drooling, greedy jaws and she seemed to hiss to egg them on. i kept my eyes on the fight, tore off my dress and sat naked on the floor, watching this epic battle over the mermaid like it was a bedtime story. i did not exist to them; i was every bit a phantom to them as they were to me. i tilted my head to the side and ran long fingers though my ashe blonde hair with a sigh, gazing at the bluish green creatures with a growing distaste. even in this upside-down fantasy universe, lust and jealousy and violence still existed. would there ever be true peace? i folded my legs into my chest and held them with my winged arms, transfixed with my mirage-mirror. if felt like hours before i could move again, but when i did, i moved groggily to my large antique bureau and pulled out more floaty clothing. i presumed that i must like them--for it's all i seemed to have. i had to admit, it was like wearing nothing at all without the feeling of self-consciousness, and for once that was a release i was excited to have. so i put on a dark green garment that somewhat resembled a long camisole and i hopped up into my nest of pillows, straining my neck to watch the merpeople duke it out. i hummed a tuneless lullaby to myself and closed my eyes, allowing myself to "Wake" rather than dream on.

So i am Awake.

i open my "eyes" and look around--there is nothing but a deep dark space. a small light beckons me forth, but i cringe. i want the soothing dark, i want the dreamless state until i re-open my gold-brown eyes and see the pond like heavens once more.
i want this light gone...i want to go back to my winged body and violet skin. i want to decipher those damn riddles, i want, i want, i want.
i realize then, as i look down to see what i have become (and to my surprise, i'm the exact same), that i love my new world. i love it more and more with every new vison. by having The Gift, am i able to create myself a place where everything is as odd as i, or even better--beautiful as my imagination can stretch? what exactly IS The Gift, and why have i been touched...?
i hear Jaelochi's voice.
"Fly Away and Find Yourself"
"Awake"

an alarm.
bzzt.
bzzt.
i smack it down with a franticly flapping wing on my wrist. i gaze at my violet skin.
and thus i have decided, with a quick glance to the glorious colors of the reflected metropolis in the pond sky, to begin to Find Myself.
i write a quick note and smile.

my faintly violet feet trod gently into the earth, warm dirt grainy between my human-like toes. my wrists were solidly at my sides, the normally frantic wings that sprouted from them were tucked safely inside. i wondered idly if perhaps they had a mind of their own, and after flapping uselessly for so long had tired themselves out. i had to chuckle--from all the experiences i've had with children, it seemed much the same. i walked in a half crouch, like i was constantly on the prowl, my arms never even swinging at my sides, my hips never swaying the way a woman's should. what was i hunting? i had no clue. the forest that i was in was quiet and warm; nothing seemed right. all of the looming trees were a gently sparkling amber color, seemingly fluid; a geyser of brandy-colored magnificence, frozen in the twisted visage of the wood. all of their roots were snarled and tangled with each other, vying silently for the life the warm soil promised. my teak-colored eyes surveyed the forest floor for any familiar or friendly creature to ease my growing unease. there were a few--large creatures that seemed loosely related to rabbits, with long ears and powerful back legs yet with a body similar to that of a bear cub and silver fur that shone eerily with the streaming sunlight through the almost-translucent trees. these odd creatures hopped silently among the tangled roots and i watched in wonder as the glassy sapphire leaves above cast cerulean shadows on them, making them more like phantoms than beasts. i felt myself smile at them and i could have sworn, before the youngest of them hopped away into the silent foliage, that it winked it's glimmering pink eye at me.
deeper into the wood, the color of the amber trees only grew more brilliant, but the darkness that was settling in with the new-born night gave them a creepy glow that seemed almost sinister. settled between the two biggest of the fantastic trees was a large, magnificent manor with mismatched windows and paneling, a familiar rickety rocking chair sitting empty on the dilapidated old porch.

Jaelochi.

i pulled myself out of my hunter's crouch and strode up to his home, waiting patiently. Jaelochi wouldn't keep me waiting, would he? i glanced around the porch, speculative. the paneling was painted black a very long time ago--it was now a faded grey and was starting to chip. the window's glass was smooth and mirror-like, almost new, a contradiction to what they sat in. on one side there was a musty red satin cloth draped across the left corner and on the other was a fresh sheet of white linen, fluttering gently though there was no breeze. following my gaze as it veered slowly left, i found myself gazing at a jade dragon whose face strongly suggested some sort of canine decent. it was perfectly still, a perfect carving leaning against the side of the house, perhaps tossed aside or maybe to ward off some evil spirit. it seemed fairly logical in this place. it was perfectly smooth, with probing, intense, yellow jasper eyes. i concluded that this was merely stone, it's thrilling eyes staring lifelessly right through me. i let my eyes wander back to his ornately decorated door. there were several long markings in a language i couldn't quite comprehend and creatures that resembled the nightmarish beasts that had roamed the streets of the glorious city...but these carved monsters didn't seem as harmless, though they were immobile; danger, they screamed. it was a warning, to be wary, to run away....
"Anaiya, my dearest, don't just stand there." a quiet, whispering rasp teased me. where did it come from? i saw no Jaelochi, and i saw none of the ashy smoke i'd seen when he'd become the harpy before my eyes last time...
"Jaelochi, where are you?" i asked uncertainly to the frightening door, wondering if perhaps he had the ability to become an inanimate object. the door rattled and i stepped back, waiting for it to explode into Jaelochi--at least, i HOPED it was Jaelochi.
"I'm right here, my dear." the whisper came again, laughing his wheezing smoker's laugh. i swiveled my body sharply to the left and felt my jaw drop as the silky skinned reptile floated towards me on a cloud of mist, the shimmering green vapor smelling pungently like asparagus. i wrinkled my nose as the reptile sank into his rocking chair, one eye fixed on me and the other on his terrifying door.
"My dear, why have you sought me today?" his small, reptilian arms folded over his gilded breast, the asparagus-smelling mist becoming more like a fog that seeped across the rotting boards of the porch. i noticed that instead of hind-quarters, there was only mist. undefined, almost like it was missing. i realized then that Jaelochi was never truly whole. the old man hadn't the chance to LIVE--his withered body was without life. the handsome violet god had no eyes in his nearly flawless face, and the harpy had no feathers in which to fly...
"Jaelochi....why are you never whole?" i asked quietly, tilting my head to the side. the reptile was silent for a long while; so long that i feared i'd offended this disturbingly entertaining creature.
"is anyone truly whole, Anaiya?" he asked me suddenly, his sharp fangs clicking together with a strange metallic sound.
"i don't understand. I'm whole." i protested, motioning towards my violet body. Jaelochi shook his jade head, clicking his sharp tongue impatiently on the roof of his mouth.
"Are you really?" i checked my body to see if anything was missing--my eyes, my limbs, toes and fingers were intact...i looked and felt whole.
"Well yes! just look, there's nothing wrong with me."
"Physically, i show that i am NOT whole--but my heart is. I am Jaleochi, and nothing that matters is missing from me. Can You Say The Same?"


I blinked my eyes a few times, looking again at myself. Not whole…? I’d never felt empty in this dream world; I needed no one but myself. I was merely an exploring outsider…I didn’t quite belong here in this twisted haven and therefore needed nothing but answers. Jaelochi smiled at me, his sharp teeth jutting out of his square jaw, as if he knew my thoughts.
“I don’t understand, Jaelochi. Is it that I don’t belong here?” I asked timidly, a bit intimidated by his glistening jaws. And before I could say anything more, the reptilian creature melted and oozed into what resembled gooey ashes on the rickety porch. I extended my winged hand, though helpless and far too late, to prevent the grayish, thick liquid from seeping through the cracks and holes under the chair.
“No, my dear…it’s that you don’t believe you do. You’re as much part of this world as I am; just as real, just as important.” The rich, luxuriant voice was behind me, deep and resonating within my ribs. I spun around and found my chin in a copper colored chest, almost twice as wide as I and about three times as thick. He was about seven feet tall and rippling muscle in thick bands down his arms. I gazed up into wild mossy green eyes framed by colorless lashes. He was every bit as lovely as the eyeless violet god he’d once been; his copper skin reflected oddly with the light from the amber trees, and I briefly considered asking him to stand in the light so I could watch it shimmer and dance across the surface. I was so transfixed with his skin that I hadn’t bothered to look for his physical defect. For all I knew, he had none this time.
“But I wasn’t born here. I’m from…well, I’ve been ‘Awake’ all this time. Jaelochi, I don’t understand. I’m not like you.” I gazed more carefully into his face and was startled to realize his defect—his full lips were sewn tightly shut, painfully swollen and with what appeared to be wire from a welded hanger. The corners of those abused lips pulled up into a disfigured but understanding smile. Without moving those lips, he spoke in that breathtaking voice once more.
“We all have our similarities, and we all are different in some manner. Is it not the same while you were away? You belong here. You belong with me, with the city in which you found wonder and adoration, with this forest that quite frankly gives you the creeps.” He chuckled lightly and wrapped muscular arms around my slender hunter’s body. His touch was cool, relaxing. It didn’t feel awkward or thrilling like it would if I were in love, and it was rather comfortable; I realized then what I should have known all along. Jaelochi was my dear, dear friend; he was reminding me of something long since forgotten, and I still had a long ways to go before I figured out just exactly what it was.
“Jaelochi…how do I know which is my true home? While I’m ‘Awake’ or while I’m here?” I hugged him back, squeezing him tightly with my seemingly frail arms. I was pleased with my strength, yet sheepish when he pulled away for air with a chuckle.
“Well, that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To find answers that you can’t seem to find on your own. Anaiya, I am here for you—”
“To give me riddles that annoys the hell out of me and forces me to think outside the box.” I interjected with a short jab at his side; he jumped out of the way and I fluttered forward with a growl. He patted down my messy blonde hair and smiled warmly.
“Well yes. That’s a hobby of mine, unfortunately. But I am here to guide you in the right direction when you come up with nothing.” I gazed at him, fondly now, and was no longer shocked when his features melted away in ashy goop. Instead of his entire body melting, only his beautiful copper skin and ruined mouth faded—he now stood before me in blindingly colorless splendor. His lips were perfectly shaped and glass smooth, his nose straight and his sharp jaw was angular and defined. His elegant throat flowed uninterrupted to his chest, his collarbones curving gently from the hollow of his throat. He had wild, untamed pale blonde hair that framed his gorgeous face like a mane and fell gently to the back of his neck. Faintly glowing from the top of his head, there appeared to be the ghosts of angelic wings. His eyes were shimmering, silvery lavender that seemed white, even against the vivid alabaster skin that pulled over his cheekbones. He had, as it seemed to be a rule, only one flaw. He was now missing one arm, like his body was crushed in some horrible, freak accident and he was forced to amputate. It didn’t mar his beauty in the slightest—rather, it gave him a uniqueness that I found to be ultimately endearing. There was no nub protruding awkwardly from his torso; smooth and unscarred, his shoulder simply flowed into his side as if no arm belonged there.
“How do you do that?” I wondered aloud, both awed and slightly irritated that he could seemingly choose to be grotesque or glorious at will. I had seen nothing disgustingly interesting since the mottled harpy of what I supposed to be a few days if not weeks ago. The sky seemed to change with the season; the end of the last season had taken the greenish beauty of the pond-sky with it. It was still glassy as it had been before, but now it was faded, an unclear white. It seemed like the sky was indeed a rippling pond; it was now frozen over in an icy, wintry splendor. It was the only way I could measure any time here, and I tried to tell myself that I’d begun to experience Jaelochi’s company about six weeks ago. He shrugged his shoulders lightly as if I’d asked what his favorite color was rather than demanded an answer to a constantly nagging mystery.
“Is it not natural for you to sleep? To eat? For me, the undertaking of physical change is perfectly normal. I have never questioned why.” His voice was a pleasant tenor, not as resonating as his voice before. His voice was severely different—it was sweeter, like pure honey from the comb. He was an angel, undeniably. I marveled over his new transformation, wondering what had triggered this beauty. Was it a random selection, or was he trying to appeal to my senses to avoid creeping me out? He obviously wanted me to stay, to ask him questions…which snapped me back to my banter with him.
“If you don’t ask the question, then how can you possibly know the answer?” I put my hands on my hips, slightly impatient. Why was I becoming irritated with him? I knew that I loved Jaelochi—it was obvious even in the guttural purr of my voice. Regardless, he found humor in my irritation and chuckled lightly.
“I simply know. It’s very common to me. I find you and your winged wrists and blonde hair to be just as odd as you seem to find my transformations.” he replied softly, ruffling my fair hair with his one hand. It was burning hot, like an open flame searing my skin, but it was no where near painful.
“I find it odd too. What am I? What races exist here?” I questioned him again, holding his hand firmly to my cheek, enjoying what I’d deemed to be a familiar touch. He chuckled and pulled me into a strange, one armed embrace.
“Remember what I told you before? Find Yourself. After you do, all will make sense again.”
“You promise? I’ll cheerfully beat you senseless if you’re lying to me.” I warned. Again, he found me amusing.
“I promise.”


The aquatic creatures that resided upon the surface of my looking glass were making gruesome faces at me as I paced the floor, my toes wiggling in the thick carpet. I had my thumb to my chin for nearly an hour at this point, and I began to ponder idly if any particular physical pose would help me think of the correct answer—where and how was I supposed to look for myself if I was standing right here? I was fairly sure that Jaelochi had meant that metaphorically, but it seemed that I was fully self-aware here in this world, so I wasn’t quite sure if that was it. Besides, when did this world ever come to terms with my idea of conventional thinking? Again, crystalline drops of ice rose to the frozen sky again as I rounded by the diamond cut window for the thirtieth time. I began to gently gnaw on my knuckle until I tasted something sweet, yet coppery slide between my teeth. I looked down at my violet hand. There was a thick, clear mahogany liquid sliding between my long fingers that, like the snow and rain here, lifted off the tips and quietly lifted to the ceiling until it splashed in a little drop against the soft paint. My blood clung and dried to the ceiling as I stood there like a moron and stared at it, intrigued and enthralled by something so insignificant. And then I thought to myself—had Jaelochi purposefully brought up the fact that his transformation was “normal”? He was telling me that I was over-thinking things. Maybe that’s my downfall, my tragic flaw…I take the simple things, like this deep brown spot of blood on my ceiling, for granted. I take the beauty of this world and try to dissolve it to fit my understanding. Why not stand in awe? Why not admire the inexplicable light of day or the rising rain or the strange transportation bubbles that carry monsters and celestial beings to and fro? Why not enjoy this gorgeous, hyperactive world for what it is instead of why it works that way? I glanced at my frazzled blonde hair and wide teak eyes in the watery looking glass and saw it. “Myself” that I had been looking for was right before me the whole time. I only had to embrace what makes me different, what makes me “incomplete” and therefore makes me real. I grinned widely at myself as I watched as a pair of softly glowing, baby blue arms wrapped around my waist. The hands were smooth, like satin, and cool. I couldn’t see anyone behind me in the glass with the gnawing fish, but I felt him there, the only real angel in this world.
“Jaelochi, did I find it? Myself. I take everything for granted, Jaelochi. I don’t stop to look at everything and really love it.”
“Congratulations. Now You Can See.” A voice like wedding bells rang through the room, shaking me to my core so that I actually almost had to sit down in shock of the intense beauty. I swiveled around to see him and was literally knocked breathless as I fell to the floor. This couldn’t be.
“Jaelochi…what ARE you?”