I failed my science test hence an other ******** year in ******** high school because of my dumb a** social life. If I just said ******** it to other peoples problems and worried about my own I wouldnt be so PISSED OFF today. I swear if it comes to it I take a GOD DAMN nuse and hang myself!!!!!! Im so sick of ******** failing at everything except the creative classes I mean I'm god damn good at english,art,drama,singing,coputer graphics,music composition,musical theory and P ******** E class what the ******** wrong with me??I cant even pass geology or math GOD DAMN IT TO HELL AND BACK! My ******** teacher even has the gull to smile while he's posting the grades the little b*****d! I wish I could just ******** smack that little smirk right of is fugly a** face! ******** pillsbury dough boy! Ugh I hate him...well not really...he did give me a chance to pass Im just a ******** retard for not doing better. I braught it on myself thats what I keep on saying everytime I fail. I cant handle the pressure I guess...so instead I dont to anything theres so much pressure to freaking get this god damn piece of paper with a god damn orange and black ******** ribbon it ******** stresses me out till I cry. I want to graduate I want to get my life on track and I WILL graduate. I'll be the first person in my family to get a deploma in...well...a long time. Its not that there dumb my sister is ******** good at every god damn subject under the ******** moon it pisses me off. the only reason she didnt graduate was because she had to stop all her classes and fly down to see me because my mother had cancer and she had to take care of me. Once again my fult! my brother didnt graduate because he was put in a ******** private school and dropped out because he couldnt handle his fellow class mates (too much moving around it ******** up his social life big time, not my fult but I'm the same ******** way) and I didnt graduate because Im to ******** dumb! GAH! I gotta get out of here, I need to escape. If I do go away I know I will never come back and never see my friends again not to mention I would be cutting myself away from any social life at all and the place I grew up will be nothing but a mere memory. yes I would be with family and living well but sometimes thats not enough.
Right now I feel its the end of my world even if I try to fight the future, I know I would fail miserably...again! right now I have to roll with the punches Im tough I can get through this I'll live I think... Oh wait I cant think I'm a ******** Idiot! not to mention I had to cut my birthday short and spend it on studying for a test I didnt even ******** pass!! now whats the point in that??!!! I waisted my teachers time and mine not to mention that mark will be a permanint mark in my ******** history files in school next to the many detentions and fights. why do I have so many detentions once again my fult because I would risk detention to get away from the outside world the mobs of girls that would tease you till you cryed or lashed back hence the fights. They had no reason to tease me, they didnt exactly make fun of my appearance,not even my grades oh no, it was because I was tall, slender and had wavy hair to my hips, oh I didnt mention my random personality. wait I also transfered from canada! I hate to say this about myself but I see that its true. I am an american and what americans hate most is change or out worldly. people are so consumed by the media where I was that it was hard to make friends. Most girls were worried about makeup, boys, and their ******** figures. s**t that 9 year old girl is not suppose to worry about. I was worried about my mom finding out I climbed a tree in the back yard to get to my neighbors lemon tree and ripped my my new skirt and jeans. (yes I have an awkward style in cloathing, If the skirts too short wear form fitting jeans under it. problem solved.)I was well...immature I had no problems in the world I was always on the go. I still am, only if Im locked inside or constricted thats when I turn to the net for entertainment. Only rarely do I sit down and watch tv it just doesnt entertain me I eaither draw or do something to keep me busy. I do go to movies I'm intreagued by these things. its the thrill of the booming sound and the woosh of colors on a big screen that entertains me. You also enjoy the company of friends and meet so many new people. what I really love doing is seeing a double feature and only paying for one. its what my friends and I call jumping, the funny thing is the second feature we saw last was the jumper ha. Woa I just got off topic of what I was pissed out about didnt I? I'm calm now I think typing what was on my mind helped me out a bit maybe I should keep a journal handy next to my sketch book.
 youngdemon · Wed Jun 18, 2008 @ 09:51pm · 0 Comments |
