 ♪Forgotten Children by Tokio Hotel
R e n e e...N i k k i...W a v e r l y
...That Ignored Druggie
I Prefer That You Call Me
R e n
J u n e + 1 3
E i g h t e e n
They Attract Me
B o y s
The Key to My Heart
N a d a - z i p p o
This Monster Called Me
Inner Workings
First impression is always a b***h, ain't it? Well when people see me walking down the street I'm automatically marked down as a 'trouble-maker.' You know what though? Those that label me that are absolutely right. Don't mess with me, I'm not the kind of girl you really want to mess with. Hun, if you even think daring to I might hurt you. Honestly, I don't try and hurt the people who love me, but I can't help it. I can be quite cold hearted when I need to do. Don't forget blunt. That really tends to piss people off. If you think I'm those prissy girls who freak over about a broken nail, you are wrong. If you think that I honestly give a s**t about what I wear you are wrong again. I was born an original and I plan on dying an original. People fall to the hand of others and lose what was unique about them. They become someone else, and in the end are just a clone.
I'm a great person at heart, but still a complete trouble maker. The girl that your mommas would want their son dating. Who ever said that you couldn't be beautiful and out of control all at the same time? You will always catch me hanging out with the bad asses. The risk takers. You know the ol' saying: 'Live Life to the fullest.' That's just what I like to do. No one ever knows when they are going to die. It's only until they are at deaths door do they regret doing things. Like cutting. I've done that, and I enjoy it. Piss me off and I'll be cursing like a sailor. You better watch it too because I got a mean right hook. Not too mention that I'm pretty strong. I guess it was those years of seclusion and dance that I should thank for that. If you think I'm shy to go up and talk to a complete stranger, you might be right. Because of my years of seclusion I've grown a bit shy around people. However, I try to hide it because I have a slight reputation to keep up. I'm anything but 'normal.'
I pretend Im loud and obnoxious. Some people consider me crazy even maybe eccentric but I consider myself entertainment. If you have seen me at a party you understand exactly what I mean. I'm that girl that will jump on a table and start dancing drunk as hell, sometimes I will even do it if I'm sober. I treat people how they treat me. If someone decides to be mean to me well I'll just be mean right back at them. I guess you can say I have a pretty hot temper. Get out of my way if I'm hollering and screaming. Heck, maybe that's why I don't have many friends but I don't care! Being alone, heck - I'm used to it! I can be a very crazy person on the outside. Inside is a whole different thing though. I guess you can say I harbor a lot of emotions. Most of them ending up getting me into some serious trouble. I can be pretty bittersweet. Even though I seem to be such a happy person I can be pretty negative at times. Getting hurt is something I always try to avoid.
Four out of seven doctors label me with clinical depression. Am I happy to be told that I have a disorder? Who would? No matter what I say or do it will be forever printed in my records. I was pretty young when they put me on the medications. When that happened I began to experiment. Try out different pills and see what they made me feel. Now I guess you can say I'm abit of a drug addict. Another thing that I seem to be rather addicted to is alcohol. It really does rid you of all the terrible things. It clears your mind, and makes you feel so relaxed. Another not many know is that I cut. Wow, three in on. A druggie, alcoholic and a cutter. How fun.
The Open Book
My mom had me when she was sixteen. No, she was not some girl that hooked up with all the guys. She's a very smart, and intelligent woman. It's not her fault that she fell hopelessly in love and decided that she would give that guy what she held dear. My father stuck with her when she told him about my brother. He continued school. My parents never really had a lot of money when I kept getting sent to the doctor. She did always worry about me. My father went to school though. He was going to take care of us all, get a good job, and pay off all the bills. He eventually joined this really big business. My life was not a fairytale ending though.
When my brother left, everything changed. My mom took it harshly, and I was the one that knew about it the most. However, they just kept telling me that he was going to be away for awhile. That he was on a very important trip. Eventually I learned the truth. Mom stayed married with my father, no matter how bitchy the two were to eachother. Sure, it wasn't too bad; however, things got worse. My mom and dad started ignoring me - why? My brother. My brother started this whole mess. Sure, when we was actually at the house he got on my nerves 24/7. I had to go so far as to put a lock on my door. Yeah, a real lock where there is a key and everything. There's no way that I was going to let that bigger brother of mine get into my things again. The last time that happened my room looked as if a tornado had gone through it. I hated him. Mom and dad always thought that I was too hard on my brother, but they also thought that he was an angel. Always being obedient when they were around, always using his manners, and what not. When he did leave and everything changed I was forgotten and was secluded in my room. I only had music to practice my dancing and anger to fuel to get myself stronger.
Enough about my family now, you want to know more about me don't you? Well all those hospital appointments I had when I was younger were there because I was mute. I didn't say a single word until I was three years old. My mom had thought she needed to start teaching me words when I was able to talk but I already had a big vocabulary. For a three year old that is.
I was already addicted to drugs when I was thirteen, and considered an alcoholic at fourteen. The whole drinking thing was pretty minimal if I were to compare it now. I usually had about three drinks a day. I guess this is where my story comes to its cliffhanger. I'm eighteen and still living. Come back to me in ten years and I'll write more about my life. For now, leave me alone and get lost. I'm living my life. Last time I checked out weren't in it.
Secrets
☠ I Smoke, Drink and Do Drugs
☠ I'm Deadly Afraid of Thunderstorms
☠ I Wear Wristbands; figure it out.
Anything Else
I always carry around my messenger bag with the essentials. Only my eyes see in here. Stay out. Also, I love to write stories. That's why I carry my messenger bag, it has my laptop in it.
Dreaming Of
Photography. It is a device created to help keep memories. Being able to take pictures assures me that I will have something left behind to show my life. To show what I did in the past. Reading. I love to read. I learn so many things when I open up a book. I feel as if every book I read I am opening my eyes more and expanding my mind. Adrenaline. Just the word alone excites me. I will do anything that will give me that rush. Whether it be dirt biking, riding a roller coaster, or jumping from a plane. You name it I will do it. Dogs. They are man's best friend. I never really had a dog during my childhood. My grandma had one and I loved her to death. Her and I would run and play. Sweets. I have a monster sweet-tooth. You will never catch me without something sweet either in my hand or in my pocket. When it comes to my sweet tooth I go to the dentist atleast every 6 months. Drugs and alcohol. It really helps me relax. I can not go a day without them at my side, or in my system. Strawberries. I like the texture they have when you bite them. I like the sweet but sour taste they carry.
Screaming From
Spiders. I don't know what it is, but I just plan don't like them. They freak me out, and when I see one I scream like a little girl. Maybe its the fact that they have eight legs and beady little eyes. Or the fact that spiders go into our mouths when we are asleep. Ew. Perverts. Okay, these guys need to keep it in their pants. If a girl says no she means it. Don't try and charm her into giving you something she doesn't want to give you. If you really want to charm a lady tell her how beautiful she is, not what you want to do to her. Math. It confuses the living snot out of me. I can do the basic math. Addition. Multiplication. Subtraction. Division. I can do all that. Fractions and percents are no problem either but when you are mixing numbers with letters it just goes through one ear and through another. Thunder and Lightning. Even as a child I had a fear of storms. I always imagined that a giant was comming to get me. The thunder was his footsteps and the lightning his weapon. No matter how much I try I can't break away from that fear. Cats. I would like that if I were not allergic to them. That's the only reason I don't like them. They make me sneeze, and usually get me taken to the hospital. Clones. You were born an ORIGINAL. Not a Copy. Rejection. You might as well be ripping out my heart. It hurts, and I will do anything to stay away from this fear I carry. Maybe this is why I'm a wannabe. Doing anything in my power to fit in. Being Alone. I like to be surrounded by people, but not too many. Like I have said before I'm abit clausterphobic. Being alone ties in with my fear of isolation, and rejection. I guess this is my biggest fear in itself because it ties together most of the other ones. Getting hurt. I never want to feel that, if I were to I would probably drink myself to death and overdose on every pill I have. That kind of pain never goes away.
Love of My Life
iHewie
 iHewie · Wed Jun 11, 2008 @ 08:23pm · 0 Comments |
