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-x- A Much Better Explanation -x- |
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Copied and pasted from my dA journal that I just updated...just 'cause I don't feel like typing everything out again, and this particular entry gives a bit more information than the last one I made.
"I don't even know how to describe this weekend. Friday and Saturday I was pretty down and out. Today I'm a bit better...just really tired and ready to vomit, as I have been for the past few days. I find it hilarious that out of all my friends online, I'm talking to the one that I don't know in real life. Reason? I don't have to think about my problems. He doesn't know anything about me, except that I'm 18 and I'm a fellow fan of Avatar. It's refreshing to talk to someone who doesn't know my deepest secrets, or my glaring flaws, or even what I look like. All we have is intellect to judge upon.
I find that right now is going to be one of those times that I cut myself off for a bit, for reasons that most should know already. I just feel like I've overstayed my welcome, so to speak. I'm not exactly useful at the moment, and certain people don't seem to want me around. The time has come to withdraw into myself and keep everyone at arm's length. I don't trust people anymore, so why should I let anyone close?
Friday night was quite...interesting. Angel, Stephen, and Evey came over and we all watched Sweeny Todd, along with other movies. Stephen and Angel were supposed to go home after the movies, but as 1:00 AM, we decided it best that they just stay. So the four of us just crashed in the den. That night, I was very unresponsive and uneasy. There was some hardcore flirting going on between Evey and Stephen, which I didn't really mind. I just watched the TV and didn't pay attention. But...it really sucks to feel unimportant in your own house. And cooking didn't exactly go as planned. I kept screwing everything up. I felt terrible. After all was said and done...I slept for a grand total of three and a half hours.
Saturday...we woke up about 7:00. Angel and Stephen left around 8:30 because Angel had to go to work. Evey and I watched another movie, then she left about 11:00. I spent the entire day in my room. Barely said more than a few words. I took a few hours to watch some Pokeshipping videos on YouTube. Damn, did that bring back memories. I got all emotional and started crying. Anything Pokemon-related hasn't done that to me in a long time. Angel had to stop over to pick up his things, because he couldn't take them to work. That was a happy few minutes of my day. He gave me about five hugs, which were things I really needed at the time. I really love him. A lot. So...he left, then I went back to my room for a couple more hours. My dad and Jeff came over about 9:00 that night, and I played Canasta with them and my mom until about 1:30. They left, I washed my sheets because Puppy threw up all over my bed...a repeat of what happened just three days earlier. I finally fell asleep around 3:00 AM with my hands on the keyboard of the laptop, which was sitting on my pillow.
Today...I woke up around 11:00, which was a nice contrast to the day before. My mom was upset with me for falling asleep with the laptop open. Not the fact I had it with me in bed. No. It was open. But yeah, 'twas no big deal. I drove to and from Limon with my dad. I learned how to drive well on the freeway in heavy traffic. And I figured out that it is really hard to control the car while cruising 80 miles per hour. But it was all good. We ate lunch at a truck stop, which is something we used to do when my dad was a truck driver years ago. We'd go with him in the semi to eat when he came home every week. I had a really good time with my dad.
And now...I'm really tired, and depression is settling in again. ...And Kikyo is chewing on the corner of the laptop. Lovely.
I'm so done with everything right now. I want to be left alone, yet I want someone here. What a cruel irony.
...I really want a hug.
</3"
 Chibi Pierceye · Mon Apr 07, 2008 @ 03:44am · 1 Comments |
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