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i'm having those feelings again

i dont know why i still have them,
but they're hard to get rid of somtimes

it starts at the pit of my stomach
then it works it's way up to my chest
it begins to over whelm my heart to no end, breaking it with every fiber of it's being

then it begins to take control of my thoughts
it's all i can ever think about
this feeling overwhelms both my body and soul

it makes me feel light-headed as all of this goes on
it tingles and makes my heart flutter with anticipation

these feelings have me hanging by a thread, almost like a marionette
they make me feel helpless, almost like a torn rag doll

as i grow numb from pent up anger and frustration
i begin to realize the stupidity of my situation

i notice all the little things in life
all things that trigger - this emotion

such stupid things too

and the funny thing is, that there are so many little things

but these feelings are so overpowering, that they're to hard to control
impulsive, obsessive compulsive, almost to the brink of suicidal

nothing is able to stop these feelings
im not able to express these feelings without the fear of regret and stereotypes

im surprised
with all this going on at once
im surprised i havent cracked yet....</3