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I don't want to live anymore,
But I hardly want to die.
Why is it that when everything's wrong,
Death is the subject of my life?
Why is it that my thoughts burn,
Swirling inside my mind?
Is there anything I can do to stop this,
To escape from my confines?
Confident inside my head,
But shying away from the world.
For once I want someone to listen,
I want my voice to be heard.
It seems that it's too much to ask,
Too much to hold on to.
But when I feel like letting go,
All my thoughts wander back to you.
I don't think you know what you did,
I don't think you know that you broke me.
Now I resent you with a black hatred,
But I still would like you to see.
It's not so much you I despise,
As it is that I despise myself.
So when I start thinking back,
I start rotting my mental health.
I wasn't always like this,
I wasn't always always sad.
I know it wasn't you who did this,
But still I blame you for all the bad.
It wasn't your fault,
And I want you to know that.
But I just can't seem to tell you,
I just can't face the facts.
Annoyed for no apparent reason,
I want myself to rot.
But I won't let myself do that,
So I live inside my thoughts.
Yet the blackness has surrounded me,
And numbness dulls the pain.
I feel so ugly to have started this mess,
I don't even want to remember my name.
So the pit has opened up,
The blackhole inside my head.
Swirling under my thoughts,
It's enough to make me fret.
I know this isn't the answer,
To let myself hang on.
But all reason has vanished,
And all my sanity is gone.
This isn't how I want it to be,
This was never in my plans.
Something went wrong,
And my life slipped out of my hands.
Two people live inside my head,
One is me and another is my shadow.
The darkness behind my ever-present smile,
True happiness went away long ago.
I know that I'm not bad,
But I feel like my own hell.
There's so much I want to say,
But so much I can't tell.
No one knows how I feel,
And no one can possibly guess,
No one knows how bad it hurts,
To live inside this mess.
I'm stuck in the middle,
Of reason and of time.
Do I want someone to love,
Or do I never stop these rhymes?
Because this is my therapy,
This is my way to keep control.
I need to drown out my thoughts,
I need to stop staring through the wall.
Everything has a double-meaning,
So I need to stop to vent.
But I can't do it anymore.
This really needs to end.
I don't want to live anymore,
But I hardly want to die.
Why is it that when everything's wrong,
Death is the subject of my life?
 Broken_Soul_Torn_Mind · Fri Aug 17, 2007 @ 06:30pm · 0 Comments |
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