Lonelyness

• Artist: conflicting actor
• Description: This poem fell into the garbage and burned
• Date: 05/15/2010
• Tags: lonelyness

Have you ever covered your eyes
Your eyelashes hiding the world
The glare creating hypnotic shapes
Have you ever forgotten the past
The things you used to know
Do you want them back or not
Have you ever felt warmth
Did you shy away
Was the feeling to strong
Where you confused
A twisted mind
Held above your body like a screen
Your hair hiding an image
In a place to vague to find
Have you ever touched your face
Just to know the angles
To wish you were someone else
Stone dead
Reaction to nothing
Have you ever written your mind
Did you shake like me
Did your heart beat like mine
Did the distorted world circle your eyes
While it laughed at your face
Letting you drop to the floor
Your brain raising like light
Did you cry
Where you alone
In the dark
Where you
Would you
I look at my self now and question
Who am I
Throbbing alone

Comments

[conflicting actor]

I told you it was garbage razz

[Idiosyncratic Quirk]

You're asking the reader questions and they very well may say no. And then your elaboration becomes impersonal because you asked if they felt the same way as you do. If you want to evoke some empathy, describe describe describe and ask questions more vaguely.
Ah, and if you have a theme, such as loneliness, let the reader figure it out. It may be in the title, just to give the audience a heads up of what's up, but just stating it kinda takes away from the imagination.