• Darling, you are gonna give me ulcers, I can tell
    Though we are 1200 miles apart,
    Im gonna have to be there to chase away those boys
    with their minds set on manhood
    Im gonna have to be there when one of them breaks your heart
    and Im gonna have to be there when you wanna talk
    about sex, and drugs, and all the things that plague young girls
    Im gonna have to be your secret-keeper
    because I've always been the black sheep of this family
    but you and I already have a special connection
    So please, sweetie
    know that Im always gonna be here for you
    and I'll wrap you in confidence and I'll smother you with my pride
    Because you're gonna be the first woman president
    as long as people arent stupid enough to vote for Palin
    but I dont think they are, honey
    but if they do, than you'll just be the first GOOD woman president
    And I want you to know that I already feel guilty
    for the time that will eventually come when I can't be at your side
    just to help you through whatever issue, big or small
    I wish I could keep you from the things I went through
    But I have this funny feeling that you'll follow in my footsteps
    so just be careful
    Or at least more careful than I was
    and for the love of God, dont get caught doing something stupid
    cuz you know that everyone's gonna blame me
    and I really don't wanna deal with your daddy
    he's crazy
    So please, darling, when you grow up
    remember that you'll give me ulcers