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He must have been angry,
He must have been mad.
Because all I could see,
Was his flailing hands.
He would never hit her
So he hit what he could see.
He found me in a corner
He took his anger out on me.
He hit anything he could reach.
My legs. My head. My face.
The pain was so unbearable,
It might as well have been a mace.
I could tell he used tools,
It wasn’t just his hands.
I heard a few snaps,
Wherever the objects would land.
All those times of friendship,
Meant nothing to him now.
As every time he struck me,
It seemed he enjoyed my howl.
Almost a week later,
I lay in the same place.
Until I take a peek,
And I see a new face.
The look of sympathy,
Was as pained as my body.
They could not help but stare,
Because I was all bloody.
I heard voices speak:
“Poor thing was hit with a log.
Only thing the owner said:
‘Who cares? It’s just a dog’”
- by Head_of_the_Wolf_Pack |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 11/30/2009 |
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- Title: Untitled
- Artist: Head_of_the_Wolf_Pack
- Description: Something from the heart. Needs some tweaks here and there. Any feedback is welcome except mindless "this-is-s**t" babble. I don't want to hear it.
- Date: 11/30/2009
- Tags: untitled
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Comments (4 Comments)
- JackTheTulip - 12/12/2009
- waka waka 5
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- rubyaileen - 12/06/2009
- I like it
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- thewildkingdoms - 12/04/2009
- I think the main tweak is to decide on the form. You have a mixture of full, half rhyme. Also the metre varies. The first stanza is consistent but the second line of stanza two jumps. It has a few syllables too many. Best way to check this is to tap out the beats as you read the poem aloud. You wil then see where the pattern changes. Sometimes it is possible to get away with this but often in a short poem is to likely to work better if it is consistent in rhyme, metre etc.
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- Treklink256 - 12/01/2009
- So emo... =(
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