Time

• Artist: Artemisa Star
• Description: This may of may not go into the story I am currently working on, but why not sumbit it anyway. I appriciate feedback, good or bad.
  
  The story is in my journal if you are interested.
• Date: 09/13/2009
• Tags: time

Who really knows when it all will end
When the world will cease to exist
Everyone has there end
When the clock strikes twelve on their lives
My time ended all too soon
When my clock was shattered by uncaring hands
When desire got in the way of right and wrong
Ice had crushed my life's melody
My soul was shattered, never to be fixed
Even if one had the heart to try
The posion infected my pieces
My future was unknown
No time to rest my weary being
No touch to warm me
The only happiness I had
Was gone in an instant
Can I end all the pain
All the sorrow and heartace
Can my time be taken back
Not unless you can fix the past

Comments

[when you fall]

You shouldn't ask a question and then not include a question mark.
Also, "their" is possessive and "there" is used to dictate location.
A period once or twice might be a nice treat too.