Sweet Mother Lie

• Artist: Ryosei_Hime
• Description: I'm on vacation in the TN mountains, and I'm sitting on the balcony of my hotel, staring at said mountains and the sky. I closed my eyes and typed this. I'm not going to bother editing it or trying to make it into something better
• Date: 08/10/2009
• Tags: sweet mother

Mother, dear mother, would you speak to me,
of the passing of the clouds and the frothing of the sea,
Of the rise of the mountains and its valleys steep,
Of the endless sky and the oceans deep?
Please, do not speak of the end we all must face,
Of how mankind has fallen so very far from grace
And destroyed all he has ever really loved,
Tossed aside the world with naught but a shrug.
Comfort me, mother, soothe me so.
If you feed me lies, I will never have to know.

Comments

[Phinagin2000]

it was rhyming (in AABBCC ect.) consistently, and i very much liked it, again razz !!

[doodie_dinosaur]

Its great, but I would try either using an organised rhyme scheme or at least reading your poetry out loud (or have someone else read it to you) to see that the rhyme scheme and order makes sense. Your rhyme scheme here is sort of all over the place and it confuses the reader.
The human brain expects rhymes to be placed in certain areas in a poem and when they are not in an appropriate order or place it distracts the reader from what you are actually saying.