Approximetly Over

• Artist: Shameful Metaphore
• Description: Is it?
  3rd parallel of the story...
• Date: 06/26/2009
• Tags: approximetly over

The years are passing
As flow of leaves at dawn
With cracking sounds next door
I know it happens but cannot moan

Things that changes, never light
Things that changes, ever cry
Story of horror, never excite
Story of horror, ever die?

I get a fright
in talk of might
will gain the strength to stand and fight
the lack of jesus in their mind

is such a hurtful sight...

Things that changes, never light
Things that changes, ever cry
Story of horror, never excite
Story of horror, ever die?

These hands are firm
Their clinching doors
Breaking into someone else's care
This black cat spits as my eyes tormently glares

Sounds from upstairs
"It's happening again..."

Comments

[Shameful Metaphore]

jesus... umm listen, my english is not that good, im israelic so all these plural nouns stuff is really weird for me to read. but thanks, I'l do my best to understand your comments and fix biggrin

[Taste of a Raindrop]

In this case, all of your lines are complete thoughts, and unless you separate those thoughts with a semi-colon ( wink , you must give them a period or other ending punctuation mark. Keep up the hard work! smile

[Taste of a Raindrop]

Hmm. I am sorry to say that this poem is not very well written. It's all over the place and contains many errors. I will go over your second stanza with you, and you can fix the rest, okay?

All right then. "Things" is a plural noun, so the verb "changes" must fit with its plurality. So rather than "Things that changes", it would be "Things that change". Also, because you used a punctuation mark (?), you must give each of your lines a punctuation mark if it is a complete thought.