love pain

• Artist: xX Okami-kun Xx
• Description: nothing to say about it
• Date: 06/06/2009
• Tags: love pain

as he love her from the heart he felt happiness, as he becomes light more powerful, the day comes as the hearts breaks as he try to gain her love back, he fails horrible he cry nothing but sadness as the only thing he has to remember her love is his memories but all those memories are dead there all dead dead memories of his very own soul....

Comments

[The Plastic Poptart]

I have to agree with pikiio. I couldn't figure out the sentences, and it would help if you capitalized and put in some periods.

[BloodyLaughter]

I do not agree with the other comment. I believe your poem has enough emotion and the way you write it builds up the emotion more and more.

[pikiio]

I like your emotion I give it a four and I feel for you and I think your really good but try not to speak like that cause it gets kinda confusing I mean I'm not trying to be mean or anything but I'm just trying to help you but let me give you an example:

as he love her from the heart he felt happiness

as he loves her from his heart he feels happiness

do you see what I'm saying? don't be annoyed at me plz I don't wanna sound like the teacher who's telling you what to do, I'm just giving