• there were 2 trees in a forest,
    and one day one of them realizes there's a small tree growing between them,
    He leans over to the other tree and asks him,
    "hey, is this tree a son of a beech or a son of a Birch"?
    the other tree said he didn't know, so they pondered on this for a while.
    Now, a wood pecker comes in and lands on the small tree,
    one tree leans towards him and asks,
    "Mr. Woodpecker, you're a tree expert, is this tree a son of a beach or a son of a birch"?
    the wood pecker took a quick taste of the small tree and said,
    "No, this tree is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch,
    rather fine gentlemen, this is the finest piece of ash i've ever had the pleasure of sticking my pecker in."


    you know what MARINE stand for?

    M- muscles
    A- are
    R- required
    I- intelligence
    N- not
    E - essential

    What do you call a woman in the NAVY?
    A WATER BED

    what do you call a woman in the AIR FORCE?
    AN AIR MATTRESS

    What do you call a woman in the ARMY?
    A FOXHOLE

    what do you call a woman in the MARINES?
    SIR!!!

    2 brunettes and a blonde escape from a top-security system,
    while on the run, they run into a barn house and find three large sacks.
    they each quickly hide in them as a cop car pulls up.
    2 cops get out of the car and 1 stays at the car as the other goes to check the barn house.
    he opens the door and sees the sacks.
    he yells to the other cop, "there's nothing but sacks in here, man"!
    "check them anyway", he replied.
    so, he kicked the first 1 with the brunet, and as he did she said, "MEOW"
    "oh, it's just a dumb cat".
    He kicked the second 1 with the brunet in it and as he did she said, "WOOF"!
    "oh, it's just a dumb dog".
    He kicks the third 1 with the BLONDE, and as he did she yelled, "potatoes"!


    what do you get when you combine a donkey and an onion?

    A PIECE OF a** THAT WILL BRING A TEAR TO YOUR EYE!!!