• The cars that we drive
    Are lethal, they say,
    And so is the air
    We breathe every day.

    Our lakes and our streams
    Are so putrified
    That taking a swim
    Is sheer suicide.

    The bright shinning sun
    Has dangerous rays
    That deepen our tans
    But shorten our days.

    And healthy red meat
    Is loaded with lard
    Which, now we're informed,
    Makes arteries hard.

    The doctors all warned
    To curb our intake
    Of sugared desserts
    Like ice cream and cake,

    But recent tests prove,
    We learn with alarm,
    That substitute sweets
    Can do us more harm.

    Those new drugs prescribed
    For when we are ill
    Produce side effects
    That quite often kill.

    And cows that give milk
    Munch insect-sprayed grass
    Which poisons small pests
    And us, too, alas.

    The chemicals put
    Into bread to retard
    Its spoilage can leave
    Our viscera scarred.

    The experts said sleep
    Should be long and sound,
    But now too much sleep
    Is fatal, they've found.

    They said we should trot
    Through wind, rain and fog;
    But now they find hearts
    Fall down on the jog.

    With all of these warnings
    Of pain, doom and strife,
    It's hard to imagine
    A fate worse than life!