A sad truth...

• Artist: Mother Ayame
• Description: Clearly this poem was written fairly recent. I wrote it due to an overwhelming sadness and writing mellows my emotions. Though this is fairly recent poetry, I thought it was good enough to be displayed as some of my finest work.
• Date: 07/16/2008
• Tags:

In our lives we love and cry,
Within our hearts, we ask why.
Throughout the times we’d shared.
I never told you that I cared.
but now, I can’t tell you anything.
not even if I start shouting.
So I ask, why’d you die?
You were the only one on which I could rely.
When I was sad you’d make me happy,
you put up with me, when I was crabby.
Through the years we grew closer,
But than, every day got a little shorter.
Wasn’t until you were in the emergency room,
that we found out your cancer had spread to soon.
You told me to stay away,
So I waited for you everyday.
I wanted to come and say I loved you,
But I waited, and heard the news.
I was too late,
For what seemed only to be fate.

Comments

[Acid Dipped Daisies]

I'm loving the rhyme scheme ^^

[Ahriman aka Phil]

Well you know I think its great =D
Thanks for teaching me to read poetry ^.^

[evil_dr_monkmonk]

Absolutely beautiful! You made so simple words have so much emotion. I love you work

[Ace Ryn Knight]

Yes very deep. But putting all emotion aside, I'm here to be overly critical. While I enjoy the rhyming scheme, I feel that you could have broken away from it for a handful of lines in the middle and gone back to it. It would have remained just as powerful. Consistency-wise, the number of beats-per-line fluctuates, something I don't typically find appealing, but works in this case. I'm sorry to say it but it feels a little forced around lines 5-6 ,9-10, and 15-16. Those pairs just

[Ija Jonas]

i love this poem...5/5
excellent

[I Go Rawr Betch]

This poem is clearly deep. Every words have its own meaning, this is what poetry is supposed to look like. Your details are amazing, you drag the reader to see your view. That's a great method because now everyone understands what meaning of the poem is. :]