Snipet from my story

• Artist: Madame Twiggly
• Description: this is just a little piece of my story that im writeing....wanted to see what other ppl besides my friends thought.....i lost the origional and couldnt really remember it...in my opinion the origional was better but i tried my best to restore it.....R.I.P origional version...
• Date: 07/29/2009
• Tags:

Sam and i walked out of the restraunt together, he coat around my shoulders. Just as we were about to walk out from under the gazeebo, it started to rain, a warm summer rain. Sam laughed, a rich laugh and then kissed me ever so gently. "i'll go get the car," he said and ran out into the rain, i smiled as i watched him go. and thats when it happened. I saw a car come speeding around the corner, going way to fast for a parking lot. Sam looked up just as the car hit him; he rolled over the top of it and landed on the pavment. "no," i wispered as i stared at his still form. Then as if a switch clicked on i started running out into the rain and screamed to someone, anyone, "CALL 911!" the car looked like it was about to stop but then quickly sped up again. i knelt by sam's side and cradled his head in my lap. I huged him to me as my tears mixed into the rain.

Comments

[BloodStainLoveStory]

not too bad at all, a bit cliche yea but still good, more would be nice biggrin
check out my stuff aye?

[RissaSaurusRex]

It was good, maybe more details. I liked it though, even if it was sad.

[GusterGerm]

Needs more details, as does every piece of writing you see does. Maybe pay attention in your English class, writing is all about symbolism. Learn up on that before you start up again.

[vv7722]

There are some errors, but it's well written and very sad. Post more of this story on here; I'd like to read it sometime. ^.^

[egoxromantic]

This was good, but I agree with h00drat64 - kind of clique.
Sweet, though. I can't really be sad or anything because I didn't get to know the characters that well in this tiny blurb. If I read a full story I might feel some sadness though.

[h00drat64]

The grammar and punctuation was dreadful, which took away from the piece. Some lines were a bit cliche. 1/5