Eclipsed

• Artist: Gravetye
• Description: Just a short poem I wrote based off of a prose piece. I don't usually write poetry, so if it's awful, I do apologize.
  
  And note: Do not pause at the end of every line. This is meant to be read as if it were an essay, so only pause at punctuation. Thank you!
• Date: 02/06/2009
• Tags: eclipsed moon light dark dream

Eclipsed

He breathes,
Still and unmoving
Because he sees nothing--
Just black--
Though the moon flickers
Overhead. Silver light
Stutters
Behind his eyelids.
The sound of water drips,
Leaking,
Into consciousness,
But he is not awake.
He hears
Nothing in the end
When the sky glints silver
And black
Again. And he waits
For a single moment,
Silent,
Before hope is lost.
He fears the light will die.
Go out.
And someday it will--
The stars already fade,
Too slow,
Too damn slow when light
Makes his eyes ache behind
Eyelids,
Searing, blinding, don't wait--
He wants to end this
Tonight.

Comments

[kimchimi]

so this is how you do free write poetry...

[Flacks]

The pace of this is sort of broken up, like if someone were speaking it, you'd imagine them to be out of breath.
On the whole, very beautiful and sad. Keep it up. :]

[Daven Wyrmsbane]

I can't write good poems at all really, but free verse is my favorite type. Very nicely done.

[darkangel9194]

Really good. Keep it up!

[marfindx]

that's fricken awesome! what are you talkin about it sucks? i <3 it!! smile

[Phinagin2000]

i like it, it's pretty good biggrin