Tears in the Dust

• Artist: SnowAngel230
• Description: well heres my poem i wrote it for my literature of the holocaust class i hope you get it alot of people told me it was too vauge DX for those of you who may not understand the picture is the park she was at its the best picture i could find to fit this poem think of the snow as ashes (if you ever watched or heard anything about the gas chambers youll know what i mean about the ashes)
• Date: 06/02/2009
• Tags: tears dust

A red dress dappled in the shade
Sits alone in a park
That was once filled with children’s laughter
No hope just despair
Floating on a breeze comes a menacing feeling approaching from the east
On outstretched hands there sits a cardboard box
The red dress reaches out to take the box without looking into those steely blue eyes
No words were passed
No human sound was uttered
Just then a breeze caressed a face
Quivering hands untied the box with a look of puzzlement and uncertainty
The winds stirred the contents of the box
Blowing dust into the sky
A silence so intense that all could be heard was a quickening heart beat
A look of uncertainty turned to horror and dread
When lying in the bottom of the box was a gold wedding band

Comments

[Diosa de Armarrio]

it's alright, but your choice of metaphors didn't make very much sense to me and I didn't understand the meaning you were trying to get across. Also, there's no punctuation. While poems don't necessarily require punctuation, it tends to make it look better and it gives the reader an idea of how the poem should be spoken.

[Disgruntled Pineapple]

Every bit about the holocaust is really good.
Even if it's very sad, it's an event nobody should ever forget.

[SnowAngel230]

i got the idea from the movie swing kids one of the lead actors has to deliver 3 boxes and hes told not to look in them when he delievers the 3rd box though he hears the womans screams and get curiouse and when he opens the box its a bunch of ashes and a gold ring laying in the middle

[Disgruntled Pineapple]

I like how you fit in the gold wedding band. It really reminds me of when Schindler saved the jews he hired to work for him, when they became free they pulled together all the gold they could by pulling gold caps and teeth from their mouths. They then melted the gold and made him a ring.

But that ring was a ring of hope and a bit of happiness, unlike the gold wedding band in your poem. Which makes it beautiful but sad to read at the same time.

[Rachmaster67]

I kind of get what you're trying to do. It is sad. Kepp up the work though.<3 4/5

[Coquilles]

~Continuing review (xD) Sad though. But, it kind of just makes me think of what could have been..

[ll SOY ll]

i is friend so ill be honest i dont get it :O
all these leeches down here wont say nothin aobut cause of thread or i think thats the reason