• Riddle Me This: There are 6 Mario Games on a Boat. 1 of them jumps off. How Many are left?



    None. They all do the same thing.




    What I Expected:
    Nintendo hasn't had a very good track record for me. Grease, Punch-Out!!, but even though I didn't want to accept it I did like the latest revival of Nintendo's baby franchise, Super Mario Galaxy 2. I hate to say it but yeah that game was fun. It's not like I have a chip in my shoulder for Nintendo just because I had a Sega Genesis when I was younger and NOT a Super Nintendo Entertainment System. No what I don't like about Nintendo is it's inability to product anything new. It's the same games using the same formulas that we like. Yes that means that we're guaranteed to like them but it also makes us zombies, following the smell of brains from place to place, throwing money at something just because it gives us a promise of the same brains that we'd seen before. Sure some may look better than others, some may be different colors, some may even be more intelligent, but they're all still brains in the end. Samus, despite her elegance and beauty I still throw into the same little box of Nintendo play things. She's probably gone through the most changes though and is shifting more toward the Lara Croft spectrum of gaming, increased breast size and losing more and more clothes and armor as the franchise goes on. She's probably even gone through the most psychological growth and development throughout her franchise than anyone else (yes more than Link. Even if I played Zelda games which I don't you can develop a character if they die and become reincarnated at some point between every game.) because she's going through a linear story unlike Mario or Link and she's had enough games in succession to play off those growths, unlike Star Fox. Either way, am I expecting much from this game? no. If anything Singularity tells me that just because a game is hyped doesn't mean it's going to be great and Punch-Out!! had told me that games that are said to be amazing by other critics can be just as much crap as Grease.

    What We Got:
    Super Mario RPG. I know. I just won't let it go, but it gave the most amount of story to a Mario game. I do understand that Mario games aren't intended to have a story and they're supposed to be mind-numbingly fun and enjoyed with pretty colors and cute faces, (like Tom and Jerry cartoons) but I'm going somewhere with this. Super Mario RPG developed not really himself as a character, but all the other characters around him. Bowser and Peach Included. It also threw in other characters that spoke for Mario or threw in their 2 cents on whatever quest you're currently on which allowed them to develop a personality, a back story and (here's the killer) allowed us to feel for them as a character. Shock! To think you could feel an emotion for Mario aside from frustrated. Well Nintendo, what happened with Mario from there? did you just take away all the writers for story and instead force them into level design? Oh I see you pushed them onto other Franchises. Namely Metroid.
    Gasp did I just compliment the game? Yeah. The Wii shocked me this time. The game is a very story heavy look at an adventure Samus Had between Metroid 1 and 2 with flashback cuts at her time in the Military before becoming a Bounty Hunter. Not only that but they gave her friends, father figures and memories. They put a face to the boobs. No longer is she just some loner that blasts the crap out of aliens that she's obviously trespassing against and they're in an effort to defend their home and children. Now we know it's because the military told her to do it. Unfair jabs at Samus aside, we actually get to see a good story about Samus's friends from the military that she rejoins with for Other M and her commanding officer whom she saw as a father figure and went through a rebellious teenager phase that caused her to leave the military. While in the present she's working with her old friends against the aliens on board this new ship and some assassin in the team. The game's story really jumps back and forth between the present where Samus responds to a distress call and is working along side her war buddies to discover what's gone wrong in this desolate alien ship and her flashback past which really isn't gameplay just just cutscenes. Oddly enough this is the 11th one she's found right after the other. There's got to be some kind of record for that. Also If you've followed the franchise, Ridley will ofcourse make a reappearance and so will the Metroids because if they didn't... what the hell...
    The gameplay... Well you got the good new first now I'm gonna rip this game a new one. What the Hell? You took 2 steps forward with the story and 1 step Back Nintendo. You were at least taking Samus into the FPS genre and putting her into a third person shooter would have been a more logical step but what the crap is this? The Wii motion controls are almost thrown of the window and the controller has revered back to it's NES style basics. You hold the controls sideways like in Super Mario Brothers Wii (I hope you didn't pay too much for that Nunchuk). A goes into a Ball, 1 to shoot 2 to jump and D-pad to move, and here's where things get so difficult to do it made me want to cut off my own hand out of pure frustration. Hold the Wii remote up and hold A to recharge your sheilds in a pinch or to recharge your missiles. And... oh god... point the wii remote at the screen to go form side scrolling third person to first person take aim with the wiimote hold A and release to fire a missile... Not that difficult you say? Ok Lets make a scenario. There's an armored guy running around the room. You run as far as you can from him. Then point the Wiimote at the screen to break his armor with the missile. It takes a moment to read in that you're pointing it at the screen. Now that it's up you're suddenly looking at the ceiling because the wiimote is slightly too high. You hold B so you can can search for the re-adjust. you lock on and the creature is now barreling towards you. you lock on and Hold A and release fire a missile. By this point you've been hit once but you're alright... kinda... You turn the remote back side ways and get your hands in position, but now you're facing the wrong way in 3rd person mode. You turn around and start firing, maybe get in 3 shots before the b*****d regenerates and you start the whole process over again... God... Damn... It....




    Conclusion of Nintendo Overall:
    They're cruel sadistic bitches that have designed the controls for Metroid Other M and every other game or level or whatever with the sole purpose of creating frustration!

    Conclusion of Metroid Other M:
    This is probably the most indepth that I've seen Nintendo go with a story in a long time. Additionally, the voice acting from this game is very good and there seems to be an almost seemless break between the beautiful prerendered cutscenes of Samus and the Wii graphics. Once I'm over the controls frustration I realize it has the same king of fun that I hated about Super Mario Galaxy and Galaxy2. I like playing it but I don't know why. Atleast with Metroid I can say I enjoy the story, but I personally blame the enjoyment on subliminal messaging....... It's Fun........ I Enjoyed it............. I recommend it to you and all my friends..............




    Overall Rating:




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