• I couldn't move, my body became an empty soul. I took my vacation days off and I just slumped around the house. I couldn't bare to tell him, and from what I saw I don't think it would have been the best news to him either. To have kids down the hall while we made love? How could he live with himself? If I knew that, I wouldn't be able to wake up in the morning, let alone look at myself in the mirror. And everytime I would forget and think about going outside so people knew I was still alive, I would glance down at my stomach. A little creature was becoming a human being inside me. From what I learned in highschool it was only a little ugly ball and you had to wait 6 weeks for abortion. Did I want to abortion? My head was already spinning in circles, I didn't want to think about it. I just needed sleep, and I did. I fell into deep sleep. Sleep that only a shinning prince could wake me from.

    After my vacation days ran out, I showered and actually ran once again in the morning. The only difference was that I didn't run at 6 anymore, I ran once again at 5. I never shut my Ipod off, nor did I look for him. I needed to avoid him at all costs. And it worked, I was fine. Until my stomach started expanding.
    When the 6 week mark came, I had to face the idea of abortion. Did I want it? Did I need it? But, at the same time, I wanted to be a mother. My mother was never there for me, maybe I could be the mother it needed. And I decided not to have an abortion. I needed this baby as much as it would need me soon.
    The 8 months came sooner than I expected, and I knew I was only a month from having this baby. I found out it was going to be a girl, my own little baby girl. I still couldn't think of a name for her, but I was going to cross that bridge when I got there. Thinking back, my morning sickness was the worse. Everytime I would wake up, straight to the toilet. And the stupid cravings, no matter what time of the day I always wanted tuna. Tuna with mayo, tuna with tomato, tuna everything! I even tried it on a pickle, and I liked it! Maybe that would be her little craving too; tuna. I think I grew as she grew; she ate what I ate, she breathed when I breathed and my blood was her blood.

    It happened while I was picking out a crib for her. No baby shower for me, I guess you could say my friends weren't really supportive. They almost hated me for having a baby with a man whose last name I didn't know. But whatever, I still couldn't imagine killing it or living without it. They would never understand. Just as I found the perfect crib, with a soft green wood and little butterflies engraved on the sides, I felt it. That quick motion of the heartbeat, the terrible pain and then the water. The water and how I screamed as loud as I could so someone could help me. Being pushed into that cold white van and the doctors running everywhere and the beeming lights giving me a headache. I couldn't believe that I was going to have that little baby, it was coming out.
    The screams, the screams were everywhere. I couldn't breath without screaming. The pain was terrible, the pulling and the cold hands. Every doctor had cold hands, every doctor was fast and not careful. The baby could've died in front of their eyes and they wouldn't have cared. But as she came out and I heard her little sweet cry, all the pain vanished. And while she was in my arms, it came to me what she would be called. And I whispered into her sweet little face...
    "Lilliana Rose." And I swear she stopped crying and smiled. She was mine.